In the past, there has been so many times that I have let my fear of being judged and/or my fear of failing stop me from doing things that had the potential to make me happy. I missed out on so many tremendous opportunities because of this. And in turn, it only made me feel useless and inadequate of accomplishing anything. Because of this, (among other things) during that time I was in a very dark place. A place that no-one should EVER be.
I’m not sure when the epiphany came but I know I had to do a lot of self reflection. I had to analyze who I was, who I wanted (or knew I had the potential to be) and what steps I would have to take to get there. I knew that who I was, was an empty shell of a person but I wanted to be the person who was vibrant, full of life and making strides to be a better woman all around. I also knew that the steps to make that happen would entail letting go of those self-doubts and the doubts that may or may not come from others.
For example: I knew I always wanted to blog … like seriously blog (not just tumblr, lol), but I had the thought of my blog not being successful or not always knowing what to write about or others questioning why I even decided to start blogging or people criticizing me or people judging me or or or or or. I just had so many negative thoughts surrounding something that I know would have made me happy if I just did it. But my fears kept me locked away in my own mind of self doubts.
Now, I know .. well what new blog is automatically successful? And who doesn’t have people judging them? Now I know, I’m not always going to know what to write and not all criticism is bad. Now I know that banishing those fears -or rather not letting those fears hold me back (because lets face it, I still am fearful) has left me feeling like a much happier person.
My mind is now looking back on everything I have ever wanted to do but never did because I was too consumed by my fears to do so. There are so many possibilities, dreams and even fears that I am now going to face head on because that’s what life and happiness is about. I’m on this journey to find myself and I know that there will be more obstacles, more self doubts and more judgments but I can not let that be the criteria to deem myself worthy of accomplishing any goal that I set for myself. So for that reason I write this to you:
There will be times that you fail. There will be times that people will judge you. But none of that matters. You’re happiness is worth more than that of failures that can be fixed and people who judge with or without knowing. Life isn’t about how many times you fail but rather about how many times you get up in front of those failures and move on. It’s about taking a look at the things you didn’t like or did wrong before and taking the steps to making yourself better than ever. And who cares about what others say? Whether you’re doing bad or good, people will talk … that’s something that won’t change. What can change however, is you believing that their thoughts count. They are only worthy if you let them be but you are ALWAYS worthy of your own happiness.