Love is a feeling – truth. You can experience love by simply loving yourself – truth. You can also experience love by loving someone else – truth. Some people feel unfulfilled unless they find love from a significant other or family member or friend – truth.
However, the truth is also that we don’t need the love of another to experience true love but many fail to realize that.
I mean at one point, I failed to realize that. For the most part, my friends and I have what many would call “daddy issues”. We would talk about how our fathers continuously disappointed us and weren’t really there for us growing up as we would have liked. Although none of us ever said it, the feeling that penetrated the room as we spoke of our fathers was heavy. We were sad, hurt and feeling unworthy of love. And that’s just an example, it could be with any family member or loved one.
I can even recall so many instances that my friends and I would sit in a circle discussing the traits that we would want in a significant other and wondering WHEN that person was going to just walk right into our path. We would discuss the many ways that we would show our love and talk about how different this one would be from the last. Then, we would be so hard on ourselves if a ‘situationship’ didn’t work out and really self doubt our love for ourselves and contemplate what traits we needed to fix in order to hold the attention of a potential.
We often wondered why ___ didn’t love us or ____ wasn’t attracted to us or what it was that we did wrong. When in reality the only trait we needed to fix was that we weren’t falling in love with ourselves first, but trying to find love outside of ourselves.
I am firm believer that you can not help anyone, can not love anyone (truly love), can not inspire anyone etc until you do these things for yourself (or at least try).
As I am on this journey to self love and happiness and tranquility and all things positive, I have had setbacks with love – especially the love I have for myself. So I concocted a list of ways to begin the process of falling in love with yourself. Now keep in mind that I am a work in progress and these have been working for me – but we all are different. I suggest you all give this list a try and add on anything (positive) that will work for you.
1. Live In Your Truth
For a LONG time I was afraid of being me. In turn I couldn’t fully grasp the idea of loving myself because I was being a superficial version of myself. I tried to be the person I thought my family wanted, the person that my ‘friends’ would want to be a around and the person that I thought was deserving of a partner.
Then I realized that I am a fierce, beautiful, self proclaimed weird girl, hippie chick, pro-melanin, flower child, Rasta enthusiast, artist, culture lover, natural haired, light skinned, brown eyes, spiritual being, (and much more) woman. That is my truth and I decided to live in it. And if the people in my life don’t accept that or want that or understand that truth .. that’s their problem, not mine.
Now your truth doesn’t have to be ANYTHING like mine. You just have to accept it and take pride in it -whatever it is and you are already going down the right path.
2. Don’t Lose Yourself For Someone Else
Now I’m not saying compromise isn’t necessary with ANYONE that you love (partner, family, friends), because it is – but when you start to compromise your self love and things that you truly believe in, maybe it’s time to take a step back and really look at the situation you are in. Don’t lose yourself trying to love someone else.
3. Write As Many Lists As Needed
Now this may just be my thing .. but writing lists makes me feel like I have my life sorted out – or like I’m getting there.
I love writing lists about every and anything. As you guys can see I wrote a list about 51 things that make me happy. Just the same, I wrote a list about things that make me sad in hopes of changing those things or eliminating those things from my life.
I wrote a list about places that I would love to travel to. A list about things that I need to change in my physical and spiritual life. Then I jot down ways to accomplish these things. And as I do, I feel empowered, one with my emotions, I have a sense of self and I feel like I’m taking steps to fully fall in love with myself.
4. Take The Time To Be Alone … And Enjoy It
This may be what I struggle with most. Sometimes, I’m alone and I’m fine. Sometimes, I’m alone and I feel lonely and I HATE it.I’m trying to cut that out.
I think that whenever we are alone, we need to appreciate that. Enjoy that time to just be. Write. Think (not too much lol). Read. Blog. Youtube. Watch Tv. Do Yoga. Exercise. Write a list lol. Do anything – just appreciate that time.
Also take yourself on a date. Don’t worry, I’m working up the courage to take myself out, too.
5. Find What Inspires You
Find the key, your muse, your inspiration and let that help to lift you up.
Love. Positivity. Seeing my end goal of happiness and self love and success in the horizon. Sometimes, I breathe, relax, cry a little and believe in and feel my goals and dreams coming to life. It is in that moment that I feel ultimate peace.
6. Spend Time With People Who Bring Light Into Your Life
Sometimes being alone is good. Sometimes being around loved ones is better. Spend time with people who TRULY get you and bring happiness, calmness, liveliness and just beautiful luminescent light into your life.
7. Understand Your Worth
You are worth the love you give to yourself. You are worth living in your truth. You are worth writing down as many lists as you need. You are worth having your alone time. You are worth feeling inspired. You are worth being around loved ones. You are worth EVERYTHING that YOU BELIEVE you are worth.
So start believing that you are worth it.
Stop accepting positive things into your life by saying “it’s just luck” or “omg I can’t believe that happened to me”. Believe it, it’s more than luck because YOU ARE WORTH IT. We all are.
8. Look In The Mirror … Talk To Yourself
Now it might sound crazy …. but it’s not. Sometimes when I’m feeling down and nothing else is working, I walk over to my mirror. I stare at myself .. for a while, most of the times tears streaming down my face and I give myself a pep talk.
If I have to yell at myself, then I do.”Get it together! You are better than this.”
If I need to some positive words, then I give them. “You got this.”
If I need to remind myself not to get so worked up, I remind. “Relax, breathe.”
If I need a hug, I wrap my arms around my waist and I give it.
I look into that mirror and I give myself whatever I need because when everything else is gone, when everyone else returns to their own life … all you have is you.
And that has got to be enough. The love you have for yourself .. it has to be enough.
So love yourself first.