- it’s needed
- it’s important
- it’s essential to growth
- it comes in different forms
- it is different for each of us -as long as it’s positive
- music makes me happy
- especially bob marley and lauryn hill
- journaling also makes me very happy
- and so does sipping wine
- self affirmations help increase your self esteem
- self care is how you begin to fall in love with yourself
- it is how you begin to build positive and uplifting relationships
- self care is knowing that you are worthy of more than just the bare minimum and expecting nothing less than the best
- self care is honesty to self
- it’s putting your happiness first and foremost
- but not forgetting about the people that you love
- its spending quality time with yourself and not feeling lonely
- self care is helping yourself
- self care is waking up every morning and deciding that you have a purpose
- self care = self love
Mental health is such an important part of getting your life together and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing -checking in with myself and my mental health.
I don’t know where to start but the past couple of weeks were about me taking the initial steps to re-finding myself and my sanity.
You see, people always think they know you. They see smiles and laughs and upbeat/inspirational social media posts and without inquiring what you’re going through or seeing how you’re doing, they make comments and assumptions that have no standing ground.
With that being said, I laughed, smiled and inspired my way through a huge part of 2016. I was blessed to be surrounded by love and happiness. My spiritual journey hit new and beautiful heights. I TRAVELED! But man the last few weeks of the year (internally – although I had many good days surrounded by loved ones), I was facing some personal battles. And those battles left me feeling like my mental health was in jeopardy. So much so, that I dropped everything and took a short trip to Jamaica with my god sister during the first week on 2017.
So as you can see I’ve been taking some time to get my mind right. Lots of yoga, lots of meditation, lots of time to myself. Reflection. Realignment. Revamp. Redo. Reposition. Lol, the works!
Although I’m all for taking time out to regroup, reconnect with oneself etc .. I’m also ready to get back to the things I love. I’m ready to get back to branding myself, writing, blogging and being a free spirit. A fresh new start .. doing the things I love. I’m ready to reclaim my positive nature. I’m ready to unburden myself of these battles and get my mental health on good standing ground.
So, while my posting may not be as frequent as it was in the past .. I do ask my lovely followers to bare with me on my journey as I realign myself and slowly but surely fall back into place.
To end of this coming of age blog post (lol) I want to invite my readers to check out my brand new website.
SkyBritnei.com is something that I have been working on during my hiatus. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a VERY long time, but didn’t know how to bring it to life. It’s something that has definitely put a bit of sunshine in my heart.
I hope you like it.
I’m been away from my blogging safe haven for a while and during that time I had a breakdown, an epiphany, felt lost and confused .. and ultimately got back up and began to re-find myself.
I. Am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.
Everyday is a challenge.
A multitude of things has happened during my time away from my blogging safe haven. I am finishing up the final touches of redecorating my room. My heart was broken. I booked a vacation rental to Costa Rica for my 23rd birthday. My heart was broken again lol. I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I began to feel very uninspired. I re-found my voice. I wrote. A lot. I realigned my goals. My laptop broke – which ultimately stopped me from blogging to you all about all the things that I’ve been dealing with. I got a new laptop. I started to revisit the world of dating -yass honey! I started my natural body butters. I’ve been learning and experimenting with new jewelry designs and finding ways to better myself and my craft. I tried being vegan for a week. I realized that I can only be vegan for a week and the pescatarian lifestyle is for me lol. I also realized that my working environment isn’t one that makes me happy. Realized that a part of the reason that it is so hard to steadily be happy and journey on towards peace is because I am surrounded by more negative things, people and places than I thought. I realized that I need to separate myself from those things now more than ever for the sake of my mental health, clarity and continuous path to self love. Oh, I need a new job guys. This is FACTS. I’m actively looking. However, I also realized that my true goal is to work for myself. Aside from that, I also had to remind myself that even during my times of doubt and frustration that I am an extraordinary, exceptional, brilliant and beautiful human being. So for the time I was away ….. I laughed, I cried, I learned … and realized that I am a confused, beautiful but … seriously a confused mess and I need to get my life.
Yes, you read that long ass paragraph only for it to end with “I’m confused”. I am lost in translation. Swept up in thoughts of how to make myself a better person than I was yesterday and caught between making those around me happy, helping out where I can and perfecting my craft and writing and re-finding my voice and just wanting some plain old love and attention!
If the title has compelled you to read this then you’re probably waiting for the part where I give a list of proper advice about how to get ya life! Listen, this is one time where I am just as lost as you. No proper advice over here just the beginning phases of life getting that I went through, lol.
During my time away I learned that the best way to start is to identify the problem. The source of stress. Source of sadness, hindrance, confusion etc. For me, that was identifying that I felt stuck, stagnant and complacent.
Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about why I felt this way. I’ve been out of college for over a year now. I don’t have a job in my field. I gave up a year of my life to help out someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it. My business has been open for a year and I feel like it should be bigger than it is (while I do know these things take patience, time, hard work and dedication). A relationship that I thought was going to flourish in every sense of the word … failed. I couldn’t hold on to money. Felt like important people in my life weren’t matching the effort in which I give them (this still holds true but this is for another post lol). Oh man, and so much more.
I cried. Then I cried some more. I let out a rage of emotions.
Then I snapped out of it.
If you are a frequent reader of my blog, it won’t surprise you that I then made a list.
I made a list of goals. Then I prioritized them. Then I made a list of how to accomplish them. I made a list of my feelings. Then I made a list of how to work through each one.
I consoled myself. Because at 2 a.m when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and there’s no one you can call .. you’re all you have. And even when you feel like you deserve more than that or you don’t feel like that’s not enough … YOU HAVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU. No matter what.
I revisited yoga and different breathing practices. Because during this time, I stopped and I could feel the tension rising within me.
I prayed. I’m not religious in any sense of the word but I believe in a higher power and I find solace in talking to that being.
I woke up one morning and I decided that I could no longer let my feelings of complacency stop me from being motivated and taking charge of my life.
I woke up that same morning grateful that I have been given another chance to make things right & to be my best self.
I applied to jobs. I read a little. Put on a face mask. Laughed. Facetimed bae and told myself that the following days would be different.
I spoke my goals into existence and I have been doing it since that morning.
Then I smiled because the only place to go from here is up. There will be a few more bad patches along the way -I know. There will be more times, when I’m feeling less grateful and less blissful, more discouraged, more frustrated but I know that I will overcome it. As I stated before, I am an extraordinary, beautiful, intelligent, confused mess and I realized if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have it any other way.
& CHECK .. there you have it, in the midst of all things confusing, ya girl has begun to get her life.
A few months before my 21st birthday I think I had an epiphany. I kind of fell … into myself. Let me explain.
I have always felt like the odd one out. Externally, I was happy and just like everyone else. Internally, I knew I was different. I pretended to enjoy the same things that everyone else did. I pretended that my beliefs were the same as theirs. I pretended that I cared about the same things. I knew I didn’t but externally it made me fit right in. So much so, that in high school it became me … or rather I became it. I became the girl that cared about drama. I became the girl that was hard on the exterior. I became the girl that didn’t take any shit. I became the beauty queen that everyone desired to be. The alpha female. Externally.
Internally, I was fighting. With myself. With what others would think of me. You see, when I was living in Boston .. although I pretended and I kind of fit, I never felt comfortable. It never felt like home. But when I moved back to New York, my pretending got me accepted. The boy I liked, liked me back. I mean he worshiped the ground I walked on. I made friends instantly .. and we clicked just the same. My home life wasn’t the best (I resented my family a lot because they continued their life in New York while I had to start over in another state … but that’s another story lol) but I was healthy and happy .. externally.
Internally, I still felt different. Awkward. Always trying to find the right thing to say. Although everyone thought I had it all figured out. So I went along with it. Up until the last day of high school. Good riddens, except for a few close friends I left high school and my pretend games behind. Or so I thought.
When I got to college, I was ecstatic. I felt like a new chapter had begun. Until one piece of high school followed me to college. She didn’t know me all too well, but we had the same group of friends .. and she felt safe, so we clung to each other. I could tell that she was playing a pretend game too, although we never spoke about it. Together along with some other friends we met, we became the cool freshmans. But we, us two stood out. For different reasons, and this story isn’t about her sooooo yea lol. I stood out for those same reason as I did in high school. I became one of the popular girls. In my group, I was considered the outspoken one, the one that people went to, the one that everyone wanted but couldn’t get, the one that couldn’t be figured out but had the answers, the plans. I was once again an alpha female.
I won’t lie. While in college, I did enjoy my pretend game. I felt on top of the world. And I had my group of best friends that I could turn to. To release the real me … at a bare minimum. Until a bare minimum with 5 or 6 girls wasn’t enough. I got tired of being sheltered. Sheltering myself and who I really was. I began to hate myself again. The fight and anger brewing inside of my yet again. External vs internal. Who I want to be vs Who I am. Ah.
The transition from sophomore year to junior year was the hardest and most fulfilling. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. Lol.
Sophomore year, I lost a good friend (yes, it was the girl from the previous paragraph). See, her game of pretending ended .. quite abruptly. Then she transferred schools. But, like I said this story isn’t about her lol. After losing her, I began to reevaluate things that were important to me. Over time, my views on things began to change. And I voiced them. I no longer stated what people wanted to hear. I stated what was from my heart .. as cheesy as that sounds. Buttttttttttt, something was still, I don’t know .. blocking me? Maybe it was me blocking me because I was so used to hiding the bitter parts of myself.
Well anyways, I continue to struggle internally and I think externally it began to show. I distanced myself from my loved ones, buried my head in books and work and went on a small hiatus. Then things went left. On my haitus, I fell off. I didn’t care about anything and fell into a spell of depression. And I mean things really did go LEFT. Everything that could go wrong .. was going wrong. Love life – wrong. Friendships – wrong. Work – I got fired so yea wrong. School – WRONG.
This is going to sound so cheesy and cliche and every word that is synonymous with cliche … but then I had a terrible hair mishap. Bare with me readers, lol. This hair mishap resulted in me having to cut my hair (something that I wanted to do for a while but was too afraid to do). Let. Me. Tell. You. I had never felt so free. The day I cut my hair was the day I got fired. I had cried on the way to my moms friends apartment but when I got there I was at ease. I guess I knew a change was coming lol. I told everyone that I got fired and they gasped. I remember giggling and although I felt terrible, saying “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason”. He told me to prepare myself and I sat in this little chair while he gathered his equipment. I vividly remember the buzzing sound as he turned the clippers on. I was scared as hell! And as he took this razor to my head, I began to shed so many fucking tears it was unbelievable. I just cried. It felt so good. Like years and years of fake, bullshit, sucky moments were being washed away. Oh my goodness. I remember when he was done, I let out this huge sigh, I wiped my eyes and he gave me a mirror. I was afraid to look, but everyone in the house was cheering me on and making me feel so pretty and awesome lol. I looked in the mirror, smiled and cried all over again because I truly did feel free in that very moment
That exact moment was when I think I had the epiphany.
The next week at school, listen honey… I slayed. It was the last week of junior year but I still felt on top of the world. I carried that same attitude through summer vacation and back again into my senior year. Oh man, senior year (once again, that’s another story lol).
The beginning of senior year was met with so much positive vibes and good energy. The start of my spiritual journey had begun. I said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Felt the way I wanted and without apologizes.
This time around, I was still outspoken but in the most genuine and authentic way. Like, I am cheesing as I write this. That is how amazing it felt. I was still a reliable source for people, I was still dependable, tactful, charming and beautiful and people saw that. I was still an alpha female, but in a more positive and luminescent way. As a matter of fact more people gravitated towards me and the energy that I gave off. Was I still guarded? Of course. It was just the beginning. But opening up myself to receive the energy of other amazing and positive people was something I had never felt before and it was invigorating. I was satisfied externally and internally for the first time in what felt like forever.
I remember a friend of mine, Brian pulled me aside and he said to me “I see a change in you from the girl you were when I first met you and the woman you are now. I love it. Keep getting better. I see you, Sky”. I wonder if he remembers that. Lol. That comment was one of the best compliments I had ever received in my life .. even to this day. It just let me know that all along, I could have been myself .. and been happy being myself and the right people would have gravitated towards me from the beginning.
But everything happens for a reason.
I know that.
As a matter of fact, I am grateful it didn’t happen from the beginning because I wouldn’t have learned to love myself the way I do now. I wouldn’t have grown. Every hardship that I have overcome has helped shape me into a better person.
Making this this blog, has been about continuing to open myself up, in hopes to inspire at least one person. Or to help at least one person. Or to let at least one person know that they are not alone … and it is okay to be weird lol. With that being said, I hope that you guys enjoyed this post – a little more intimate side of me and who I am. Like the title says, this was just the beginning so stay tuned for part two. ❤
It’s been exactly a week since I got back from my two week vacation. The second (and sadly) last stop on my trip was San Juan, Puerto Rico. Let me just start by saying that Puerto Rico was BEAUTIFUL.
Anyways, my friends and I headed out Thursday afternoon (a day before Frenchies birthday). The ride was long but smooth and being that airplanes aren’t my favorite thing in the world, I was very grateful for that.
We got to PR later that night and thankfully we didn’t waste much time because the hotel/apartment complex that we were staying in was less than 10 minutes away from the airport.
Sidebar| We rented an apartment at the ESJ Towers. It was nice. Microwave, stove, fridge, beautiful bathroom and a balcony .. however for the 5 of us it was a bit small in my opinion. However, I did appreciate the location of ESJ Towers. It was in the middle of everything, we had a mini mart, a supermarket, rental car service, taxis and tons of places to get food surrounding us.
Being that we arrived in the evening, we went straight to getting ready to go out for Frenchies birthday. She decided on going to Club Brava which is supposedly a main tourist attraction in the San Juan area.
I’ll be honest though, Club Brava wasn’t my favorite. Being that it was my first time in Puerto Rico, I really would have liked to hear more Salsa, Reggaeton, Bachata, etc. but instead we heard EDM, EDM and more EDM. On top of that, I’m all down for drunk people, having a good time but when 80% of the party are belligerent .. it’s kind of annoying.
I knew it was a tourist attraction but online reviews of this club stated that many locals frequented this club as well … although it didn’t seem like it, AT ALL. To top things off, one of my friends and I had drinks spilled on us .. so you know we were OVER IT, lol.
The next day we headed to a Snorkeling and Picnic event in Fajardo. The birthday girl decided not to come and treat herself to a Spa Day and some alone time while the rest of us decided to rent a car and have a mini road trip.
I had never been snorkeling before so being in the middle of the ocean, looking for fish is not something I was excited about. On top of that the weather wasn’t the best with the on/off again rain but turns out that I had an amazing time and it truly was an amazing experience. Everyone made us feel comfortable, the food was good and there was lots of laughs. Oh! and unlimited Rum Punch, you can’t go wrong with that .. can you?
That night while Bianca and Justine opted to stay in, Zoe, French and I went to La Placita. It was a little neighborhood filled with clubs, bars, stores, people having a good time and tons of nightlife. I definitely enjoyed the club scene more in La Placita than I did at Club Brava. Especially because I heard a variety of music – mission complete! Lol.
Then it happened. I got sick. Too sick to get out of bed. Yupp, that sick.
So the next day, I was bed ridden while my friends enjoyed Old San Juan and I was jealous.
The following day, I was ecstatic when my friends told me that they enjoyed Old San Juan so much that they had to go back <3. Seems like the day that I was sick, my friends just bar hopped and met some locals which was okay with me because that meant I got to be there when we really explored Old San Juan (yasssss) !
We visited Plaza de Armas de San Cristobal and basically got a mini history lesson involving the ancient beauty of Puerto Rico. I don’t know about my friends or maybe I’m a special kind of nerd (lol) but I really did enjoy learning about the historical past of PR. Especially learning about their involved with the Panama Canal and the rest of the Caribbean. Good stuff!
Oh, and of course we took 86946840 pictures. Lol
Following that, I finally got (what felt like) a real taste of Puerto Rican food from a little restaurant and bar called Palmas. Yes! Walking through that alley (which we had to go through to get to the restaurant) filled with people laughing and dancing and just enjoying themselves .. I loved it! I wanted to dance Salsa with abuelo. Lol, I need to become more courageous!
It felt like we were REALLY in Puerto Rico at that very moment. Definitely a trip highlight. Then my friends decided that they wanted to go back to the bar from the previous night aka my sick night (lol) and I was down for the adventure. It was definitely good vibes there too. The name of that bar was Blessed Cafe and it was a Jamaican owned bar .. so you know I was excited, especially when I got there and saw pictures of Bob Marley everywhere!
That entire night was good vibes. We laughed, joked around, drank and hung out with the locals that my friends met the night before. We even took a trip into the ‘ghetto’ and of course I have no pictures of that lol – not when we were warned not to take our phones out >_<.
That day/night was my favorite.
The last day was pretty chilled. We spent the day joking around and listening to music by the pool we had just discovered. Yea, we stayed there for days without knowing they had a pool, lol. But it was well worth the wait, because I did enjoy the simplicity of that day.
Then before we knew it …. the day turned to night and back to day .. specifically 5:30 am and we had to get up and head back to New York lol.
And just like that our time on the beautiful island was over .. and when we got back to New York it was 60 degrees and raining. Fun right?
Nevertheless, Puerto Rico was breathtaking … literally a breath of fresh air and I can’t wait to visit again!
P.S I kind of vlogged my entire vacation .. it’s just a matter of editing it, which won’t happen until I get my new computer but when that happens I can’t wait to share my footage with all of you ❤