How To Get Your Life When You Feel Lost

I. Am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.

Everyday is a challenge.

No, seriously.

A multitude of things has happened during my time away from my blogging safe haven. I am finishing up the final touches of redecorating my room. My heart was broken. I booked a vacation rental to Costa Rica for my 23rd birthday. My heart was broken again lol. I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I began to feel very uninspired. I re-found my voice. I wrote. A lot. I realigned my goals. My laptop broke – which ultimately stopped me from blogging to you all about all the things that I’ve been dealing with. I got a new laptop. I started to revisit the world of dating -yass honey! I started my natural body butters. I’ve been learning and experimenting with new jewelry designs and finding ways to better myself and my craft. I tried being vegan for a week. I realized that I can only be vegan for a week and the pescatarian lifestyle is for me lol. I also realized that my working environment isn’t one that makes me happy. Realized that a part of the reason that it is so hard to steadily be happy and journey on towards peace is because I am surrounded by more negative things, people and places than I thought. I realized that I need to separate myself from those things now more than ever for the sake of my mental health, clarity and continuous path to self love. Oh, I need a new job guys. This is FACTS. I’m actively looking. However, I also realized that my true goal is to work for myself. Aside from that, I also had to remind myself that even during my times of doubt and frustration that I am an extraordinary, exceptional, brilliant and beautiful human being. So for the time I was away ….. I laughed, I cried, I learned … and realized that I am a confused, beautiful but … seriously a confused mess and I need to get my life.

Yes, you read that long ass paragraph only for it to end with “I’m confused”. I am lost in translation. Swept up in thoughts of how to make myself a better person than I was yesterday and caught between making those around me happy, helping out where I can and perfecting my craft and writing and re-finding my voice and just wanting some plain old love and attention!

If the title has compelled you to read this then you’re probably waiting for the part where I give a list of proper advice about how to get ya life! Listen, this is one time where I am just as lost as you. No proper advice over here just the beginning phases of life getting that I went through, lol.


During my time away I learned that the best way to start is to identify the problem. The source of stress. Source of sadness, hindrance, confusion etc. For me, that was identifying that I felt stuck, stagnant and complacent.

Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about why I felt this way. I’ve been out of college for over a year now. I don’t have a job in my field. I gave up a year of my life to help out someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it. My business has been open for a year and I feel like it should be bigger than it is (while I do know these things take patience, time, hard work and dedication). A relationship that I thought was going to flourish in every sense of the word … failed. I couldn’t hold on to money. Felt like important people in my life weren’t matching the effort in which I give them (this still holds true but this is for another post lol). Oh man, and so much more.

I cried. Then I cried some more. I let out a rage of emotions.

Then I snapped out of it.

If you are a frequent reader of my blog, it won’t surprise you that I then made a list.

I made a list of goals. Then I prioritized them. Then I made a list of how to accomplish them. I made a list of my feelings. Then I made a list of how to work through each one.

I consoled myself. Because at 2 a.m when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and there’s no one you can call .. you’re all you have. And even when you feel like you deserve more than that or you don’t feel like that’s not enough … YOU HAVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU. No matter what.

I revisited yoga and different breathing practices. Because during this time, I stopped and I could feel the tension rising within me.

I prayed. I’m not religious in any sense of the word but I believe in a higher power and I find solace in talking to that being.

I woke up one morning and I decided that I could no longer let my feelings of complacency stop me from being motivated and taking charge of my life.

I woke up that same morning grateful that I have been given another chance to make things right & to be my best self.

I applied to jobs. I read a little. Put on a face mask. Laughed. Facetimed bae and told myself that the following days would be different.

I spoke my goals into existence and I have been doing it since that morning.

Then I smiled because the only place to go from here is up. There will be a few more bad patches along the way -I know. There will be more times, when I’m feeling less grateful and less blissful, more discouraged, more frustrated but I know that I will overcome it. As I stated before, I am an extraordinary, beautiful, intelligent, confused mess and I realized if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have it any other way.

& CHECK .. there you have it, in the midst of all things confusing, ya girl has begun to get her life.

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Daily Reminder #2

“It WILL get worse before it gets better and when better comes it’s gonna feel so damn good”.signature.jpgKeep up with me:
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Along My Spiritual Journey: The Beginning

A few months before my 21st birthday I think I had an epiphany. I kind of fell … into myself. Let me explain.

I have always felt like the odd one out. Externally, I was happy and just like everyone else. Internally, I knew I was different. I pretended to enjoy the same things that everyone else did. I pretended that my beliefs were the same as theirs. I pretended that I cared about the same things. I knew I didn’t but externally it made me fit right in. So much so, that in high school it became me … or rather I became it. I became the girl that cared about drama. I became the girl that was hard on the exterior. I became the girl that didn’t take any shit. I became the beauty queen that everyone desired to be. The alpha female. Externally.

Internally, I was fighting. With myself. With what others would think of me. You see, when I was living in Boston .. although I pretended and I kind of fit, I never felt comfortable. It never felt like home. But when I moved back to New York, my pretending got me accepted. The boy I liked, liked me back. I mean he worshiped the ground I walked on. I made friends instantly .. and we clicked just the same. My home life wasn’t the best (I resented my family a lot because they continued their life in New York while I had to start over in another state … but that’s another story lol) but I was healthy and happy .. externally.

Internally, I still felt different. Awkward. Always trying to find the right thing to say. Although everyone thought I had it all figured out. So I went along with it. Up until the last day of high school. Good riddens, except for a few close friends I left high school and my pretend games behind. Or so I thought.

When I got to college, I was ecstatic. I felt like a new chapter had begun. Until one piece of high school followed me to college. She didn’t know me all too well, but we had the same group of friends .. and she felt safe, so we clung to each other. I could tell that she was playing a pretend game too, although we never spoke about it. Together along with some other friends we met, we became the cool freshmans. But we, us two stood out. For different reasons, and this story isn’t about her sooooo yea lol. I stood out for those same reason as I did in high school. I became one of the popular girls. In my group, I was considered the outspoken one, the one that people went to, the one that everyone wanted but couldn’t get, the one that couldn’t be figured out but had the answers, the plans. I was once again an alpha female.

I won’t lie. While in college, I did enjoy my pretend game. I felt on top of the world. And I had my group of best friends that I could turn to. To release the real me … at a bare minimum. Until a bare minimum with 5 or 6 girls wasn’t enough. I got tired of being sheltered. Sheltering myself and who I really was. I began to hate myself again. The fight and anger brewing inside of my yet again. External vs internal. Who I want to be vs Who I am. Ah.

The transition from sophomore year to junior year was the hardest and most fulfilling. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. Lol.

Sophomore year, I lost a good friend (yes, it was the girl from the previous paragraph). See, her game of pretending ended .. quite abruptly. Then she transferred schools. But, like I said this story isn’t about her lol. After losing her, I began to reevaluate things that were important to me. Over time, my views on things began to change. And I voiced them. I no longer stated what people wanted to hear. I stated what was from my heart .. as cheesy as that sounds. Buttttttttttt, something was still, I don’t know .. blocking me? Maybe it was me blocking me because I was so used to hiding the bitter parts of myself.

Well anyways, I continue to struggle internally and I think externally it began to show. I distanced myself from my loved ones, buried my head in books and work and went on a small hiatus. Then things went left. On my haitus, I fell off. I didn’t care about anything and fell into a spell of depression. And I mean things really did go LEFT. Everything that could go wrong .. was going wrong. Love life – wrong. Friendships – wrong. Work – I got fired so yea wrong. School – WRONG.

This is going to sound so cheesy and cliche and every word that is synonymous with cliche … but then I had a terrible hair mishap. Bare with me readers, lol. This hair mishap resulted in me having to cut my hair (something that I wanted to do for a while but was too afraid to do). Let. Me. Tell. You. I had never felt so free. The day I cut my hair was the day I got fired. I had cried on the way to my moms friends apartment but when I got there I was at ease. I guess I knew a change was coming lol. I told everyone that I got fired and they gasped. I remember giggling and although I felt terrible, saying “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason”. He told me to prepare myself and I sat in this little chair while he gathered his equipment. I vividly remember the buzzing sound as he turned the clippers on. I was scared as hell! And as he took this razor to my head, I began to shed so many fucking tears it was unbelievable. I just cried. It felt so good. Like years and years of fake, bullshit, sucky moments were being washed away. Oh my goodness. I remember when he was done, I let out this huge sigh, I wiped my eyes and he gave me a mirror. I was afraid to look, but everyone in the house was cheering me on and making me feel so pretty and awesome lol. I looked in the mirror, smiled and cried all over again because I truly did feel free in that very moment

That exact moment was when I think I had the epiphany.

The next week at school, listen honey… I slayed. It was the last week of junior year but I still felt on top of the world. I carried that same attitude through summer vacation and back again into my senior year. Oh man, senior year (once again, that’s another story lol).

The beginning of senior year was met with so much positive vibes and good energy. The start of my spiritual journey had begun. I said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Felt the way I wanted and without apologizes.
This time around, I was still outspoken but in the most genuine and authentic way. Like, I am cheesing as I write this. That is how amazing it felt. I was still a reliable source for people, I was still dependable, tactful, charming and beautiful and people saw that. I was still an alpha female, but in a more positive and luminescent way. As a matter of fact more people gravitated towards me and the energy that I gave off. Was I still guarded? Of course. It was just the beginning. But opening up myself to receive the energy of other amazing and positive people was something I had never felt before and it was invigorating. I was satisfied externally and internally for the first time in what felt like forever.

I remember a friend of mine, Brian pulled me aside and he said to me “I see a change in you from the girl you were when I first met you and the woman you are now. I love it. Keep getting better. I see you, Sky”. I wonder if he remembers that. Lol. That comment was one of the best compliments I had ever received in my life .. even to this day. It just let me know that all along, I could have been myself .. and been happy being myself and the right people would have gravitated towards me from the beginning.

But everything happens for a reason.

I know that.

As a matter of fact, I am grateful it didn’t happen from the beginning because I wouldn’t have learned to love myself the way I do now. I wouldn’t have grown. Every hardship that I have overcome has helped shape me into a better person.


Making this this blog, has been about continuing to open myself up, in hopes to inspire at least one person. Or to help at least one person. Or to let at least one person know that they are not alone … and it is okay to be weird lol. With that being said, I hope that you guys enjoyed this post – a little more intimate side of me and who I am. Like the title says, this was just the beginning so stay tuned for part two. ❤

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Alton Sterling

I’ll be honest, my mind is too scrambled to write a decent and thorough post. And for the sake of black mental health, I won’t share the video of Alton Sterling … but I had to spread more awareness and what better way then voicing this on my blog.

It hurts. Literally this shit fucking hurts. We have added another name to the roster. His name was Alton Sterling from Louisiana who was shot multiple times, point blank range for selling CD’s. All I can think is ‘when will this stop’. When will they stop killing us! This man leaves behind a wife and children. And while I won’t share the horrific video of his death, I will share this video so that you all may see what impact this has had on his eldest son.

The time for a revolution is now! We are strong and powerful beyond measure. And what I love is that a majority of this generation are woke AF and know exactly what needs to be done. We are bigger than this. We will make it through this pain. But we have to be willing to fight and fight hard.

I’ll end this post will some status updates/pictures (via facebook) from myself and others:

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This post is for:

Alton Sterling 💚
Tamir Rice 💜
Sandra Bland 💚💜
Eric Garner 💜
Trayvon Martin 💚
Sean Bell 💜
Oscar Grant 💚
Mike Brown 💜
Dontre Hamilton💚
John Crawford 💜
Tanisha Anderson 💚
Akai Gurley 💜
Rumain Brisbon 💚
Walter Scott 💜
Freddie Gray 💚

& the countless other brothers and sisters we have lost.

With that being said, today I stand in solidarity. With my black brothers and sisters who know what it’s like to wake up everyday and be angry because we have to fight 10 times as hard to get half the respect & reach half the success. I stand with my darker skinned brothers and sisters that feel that anger 10 times over. I stand with my lighter skinned folk who get denied a right to their blackness. I stand with my Latinos who acknowledge that their roots are just as (if not more) embedded in Africa as they are in Spain & Arawaks and understand that this affects them too. For my Afro Latinos and other non-white Latinos who are often forgotten about by both their cultures who have to fight just as hard as my black brothers and sisters. I stand with my Muslim brothers and sisters because while I am not demonized for my religion, I understand being demonized based on something that you cannot control & on a daily basis. I also stand with all Middle Easterns that aren’t even Muslim but are continually blamed for the doings of a group that does not represent them nor Muslims. I stand with non white immigrants who were misinformed about this country and came here seeking a better life only to be persecuted, humiliated & demonized for trying to better themselves. I stand in solidarity with all indigenous and Native people because you are too often left out of this conversation. Smh, I stand in solidarity with black sisters because we are continuously the forefront of a movement that sometimes doesn’t defend/protect us and its draining and hard. I stand with my sisters of color because we have to raise our men to do so much and be so much and whilst doing so we battle so damn much -prison, drugs, gangs and death. I stand with black men because many of you don’t receive the credit you deserve. You are strong, resilient and ever so powerful. I stand with my people of color because it is time that we reclaim what is ours.
Get educated. Educated others. Our time is now!

 

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Dear Black Women …

There’s this thing women do … specifically black women. I hate it.

We live in a world where the black woman is constantly mistreated. We are unheard. Abused. Considered the low of the low. And when we speak out about the injustices that we face, we are deemed angry, aggressive, unruly and (my favorite) ghetto/ratchet .. when really we are just indignant and tired.

That’s why I hate it.

I HATE when women – women of color, my sisters talk down to and judge other sisters. It does something to me. Pisses me off on a whole other level.

I was tempted to talk about this at this particular moment for two reasons:

  1. Sometime last week, a young idiot on twitter decided to post this picture along with a caption that read “Ladies, line up in order from Chill to Petty”. To which he received many wonderful RT’s that included things like ” Line up in order from independent to child supportive” and “Line up in order from highest to lowest GPA” among others.image
    All I could think at that moment was ‘wow’. A black man sending out that tweet. I mean, it’s sad to say but sometimes it doesn’t seem that the black man is on our side. Then I had to change my point of view and I narrowed it down to age and ignorance because well he is young and clearly has much growing up to do.
    So what does that have to do with us, black women?

    Well, I took to FB and I was insanely close to calling out (some) black men for their lack of respect and for demeaning black woman  for the exact thing that they praise white women for … until I saw a dark skinned woman repost the picture. Instead of firing rage at the young man that posted this disgusting picture and calling black woman to stand together, her comment was something along the lines of “All light skinned women think they’re better when really they are just submissive and uneducated because they don’t need to be. They get a pass because of their skin color and they don’t know the ‘real’ struggle of being a black woman”.
    I was truly amazed. I was even more amazed as I saw the comments under the post.
    I mean, dark skinned woman, light skinned, brown skinned, yellow, purple and blue … all these woman were angry with each other and I was insanely confused and entirely appalled.

  2. After seeing that post, I remembered a conversation I had with someone (let’s call her Erica). Erica, my younger brother and myself were having a conversation about my brothers ‘relationships’. My younger brother stated that he would never date a dark skinned woman, to which I looked at him and his dark skin, thought about his mother and her dark skin and asked if he was stupid before asking him why not. He stated that he just didn’t want anyone dark. As I tried to explain to his young, ignorant, 16 year old mind how ridiculous he sounded spewing self hate, Erica stated that she defended my brother. She continued on to say that her son could never bring someone that is “too dark” home and I had to look at her like she was insane.

    The hate that we black woman share for one another is disgusting. (SOME) Light skin women denying their blackness and feeling as though they are better than others. (SOME) Dark skin women hating light skin women who are on their side and denying them the right to their blackness. And it’s more than just the fight between skin tones. Sometimes, I’ll see black women nit picking at anything that her sister does. “Natural vs Perms”, “Casual Dressing vs Mini Skirts”, “Hoes vs Wife Material”. I mean it’s repulsive. To hear my sisters, black women constantly belittle and judge each other. Especially when we have so much working against us.

    It’s clear that I am a ‘high yellow’ light skin chick. I get that. I also get that because of colorism in our culture sometimes I am ‘favored’ more than my darker skin sisters. But, I try to change that. For this present, and the future. I try to empower all woman of color because at the end of the day my fight is your fight and your fight is mine. We all have different experiences being a black woman but that doesn’t mean anyone’s story is inferior to anyone elses. How can we expect to overcome the Donald Trumps in the world if we keep holding ourselves back. There’s this constant battle between who is better than who and all I keep wondering is why the hell can’t we all be great. Praise our strengths and where we come from, acknowledge our faults and learn from them while banding together to become stronger than any of our persecutors ever imagined.

    We are bigger than the fight that was created for us. We are bigger than this systematic oppression they have laid in front of our faces. It was said over 300 years ago that the way to keep the black race down was to create a division within. That is was colorism is. Pinning us against one another. And in a time where we have white women preaching feminism that doesn’t account for us, in a time where non black women want to be black and steal our culture without knowing our struggles and giving us credit, in a time where a white mans only use for a black woman is to sexualize and fetishize us, in a time where many black men don’t appreciate us, I challenge you to uplift your sister and not help in holding her back.

    We all have to do better. ❤

    So, what I’m trying to say is … who gonna have our backs if we don’t have it?

xoxo
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Dear Sandra Bland

I still think of you.

Positivity Everywhere 6 – Kasper & Envyus Records

So far during these blog interviews you guys have seen a self published author, an owner of a clothing line, the owner of a jewelry line, an online store owner and a television host. Today, I wanted to bring you guys someone a bit different. With that being said, I decided to conduct my interview styled blog post with a young man who has the drive and passion to make it in the music industry. I introduce to you all Kasper.

Name: Charlon Foster
Stage Name: Kasper
Age: 18 yrs old
Name of the label: Envyus Records

Q: Tell the readers about yourself.
A: Ummmm well as you know my name is Kasper..*laughs out loud*, no; but I rarely talk about myself because I’m still confused as to who I am (if that makes any sense); but I can give the readers some likes & dislikes. I enjoy quality time by myself, I don’t know if that’s my “ghost” side or what, but I do prefer most of the time to think, wander and talk to myself. I like writing letters to myself, keeps me balanced – ya know? I love and appreciate the female anatomy and all it has to offer. I consider myself a connoisseur of life and all it’s simplicities. Um, my heritage on my dad’s side is Jamaican and from my mom’s is Grenadian. I enjoy all types of mysteries (except the “love” mysteries), I like/read books (sometimes) and I definitely appreciate technology and how far it has come (although I am quite scared for what the future might hold). Also, I love grabbing a bike or skateboard and taking it out for a spin, ya dig? As for my dislikes,  I rarely dislike anything, I try to keep an open mind and understand and gain a love for ideas, objects, people. etc.
Q: Tell us about what it is that you do: 
A: Well I am a music artist, rapper and performance speaker based in Brooklyn, NY and apart of a independent record label dubbed “Envyus Records” (formerly called “Genocide Music Productions”). I’ve been with them for 4 years now, and I’ve released two projects so far, one (Postponed) under the Genocide name and another (Passion EP) under the Envyus name. Envyus Records started December 30th, 2011 and is home to many other notable artists other than myself such as: The Sound, Rahmel, D-$tone, and much more. I enjoy being apart of this label too because it’s more of a family type atmosphere than JUST business so you really get to bond with one another and really get to know more about each other because that’s very important in this music business let alone making music. Even though we go through our ups and downs sometimes they are all my brothers.
Q: How did you know that you wanted to become a rapper and how old were you?
A:Funny thing is, I didn’t even have like a dream of becoming a rapper or whatever, man I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to go see some stars, visit the moon and chat it up with the moon man, go see if the moon was really made out of cheese. But I came to realization I wanted to be a rapper in high school (but then again who didn’t), 9th grade is when I did it as a hobby but during 10th grade is when i really settled down and started to pursue it. My dad had me take classical music lessons since I was 6 so I was already familiar with reading notes, hearing melodies in my head and memorizing the chords; so it was honestly a matter go time before I put words over instrumentals. Also, I read ALOT when I was little, especially “The Magic Tree House” collection by Mary Pope Osborne and the “Secrets of Droon” collection by Tony Abbott (recommend all to read both of these series). Both of these series helped my imagination grow and gave me a knack for telling stories. I actually didn’t know what Hip-Hop/Rap was until 8th grade, and the first song I EVER heard from a rapper was T.I’s “What’s Up What’s Happenin’.” From there I watched every single rap video I could find because at the time I wasn’t a fan of just listening to music without any visuals and I was trying to soak up this new “addiction” I had acquired. I also consider myself pretty good with the words, so I entered a poetry competition to get a poem published in a book (can’t remember it at the moment) but long story short, I got my poem published so that’s when I got serious about pursing this “hobby turned dream” of mine.
Q: How did you become involved with Envyus Records?
A: I got involved with Envyus Records in a way most people don’t get involved with businesses or even getting a job, lol. One fateful day, in 9th day I got into a little word argument with a fellow classmate and I said something I’ll probably never regret to this day. But from that day forth, I befriend the man who started this whole thing, Blake Timmons, and I’ve been running with “Envyus La Famila” ever since.
Q: How would you describe your rap style? And who would you consider to be some of your influences (in rap and/or in life in general)?
A: I don’t know if I could describe my rap style as of yet because I’m still trying to find my style. But the best bet for someone to have an opinion on my rap style and what they consider it to be is for them to listen themselves and go from there. Well since I rap, rap is a product of Hip-Hop, Hip-Hop is a way of life not a genre, so therefore Hip-Hop equates to being life, so my life influences would be (no order): Jay-Z, Kanye West, Rick Ross, Ab-Soul, Cyhi Da Prynce, Lil Wayne, Q-Tip, and Phife Dawg.
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Q: What type of audience does your music appeal too? What about the other members of Envyus Records? 
A: I’ve had people from all walks of life, ethnicity, age, cultures, and different backgrounds listen and vibe and support my music so I want to say all types of people. Now granted you know it might not be relatable to everyone but I like that my music is able to reach and touch a variety of people. As for Envyus, we ALL have different sounds and different messages and different crowds of people who listen to our music. Ex: Chris Styles talks to the males coming out of the ghetto and the “hood,” The Sound talks to the females and drops knowledge, D-$tone (from what I can see so far) is talking to the people who live the average life and enjoy all the things a inner-city has to offer. But there’s plenty more styles and sounds coming out of Envyus Records in the years to come.
Q: What project have you had the most fun working on thus far in your career?
A: Uh, well since I don’t believe in spoilers, I’ll have to talk about the two projects that are already out now. It’ll have to be Postponed, granted I don’t consider it “all that” but it was the most fun. The project was my life up to that one point, so I was able to recollect memories up until 12th grade. Plus it’s something about doing your first project and completing it and releasing it’s like trying a new drug for the first time and never getting that high back, ya know? Especially, when you get to share that high with other people because the project was anticipated and well received.
Q: Have you had to overcome any struggles on your path to success? If so, what?
A: Well I would say I’m still overcoming some struggles right now, and I got some more in the miles coming up. But one obstacle that I did have to deal with that troubled me a lot was heartbreak (but then who hasn’t). What people don’t understand even though that may be a common topic and something everyone goes thru, it affects your lifestyle. And since I hold rap close to my heart, and I rap real life and use real emotion, that threw me off my creative drive and I couldn’t focus for a while; but I’m back baby, and better than ever. But if you want to hear some of my struggles, *laughs* listen to the music mane.
Q: How do you deal with the negativity that comes with the success of your rap career and record label ?
A: The negativity that comes with this lifestyle is crazy man. So much hate from people you would never ever thought was even watching your moves and what you do. But I deal with it in either two ways, if it’s minuscule I tend to ignore it, but if it’s something that’s actually worth paying attention too, I meet it head on, I can’t ignore that. But best believe I choose and pick my battles wisely and take time to think out different ways to maneuver and come out on top of whatever “feud/beef” I have. But I won’t EVER take it to the streets, that’s not something I support nor was I raised in that life but I won’t let no one of any stature disrespect me.
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Q: Many people believe that while having a career in the music industry can be very prosperous, one should still have a backup plan (just in case in doesn’t ‘work out’). What do you think about that? Do you have a back up plan? Why or Why not?
A: I don’t believe in back-up plans. If you are having second guesses about what your doing in this music business or even in any dream your chasing then your thoughts about yourself and what your doing is not 100% confident and that’s a problem since our thoughts become our reality, so if you keep thinking you need a backup plan then you gon’ have a backup life. I tell people all the time my Plan B is to achieve my Plan A. Go hard or Go Home. It’s okay if no one sees it but you; but just make sure your 100% confident in what your doing and keeping grinding & praying. But remember prayer without work means nothing. I mean personally, I don’t believe that anyone should survive life by working at a job that sustains your mediocre living conditions. “Nine to five is how you survive, I ain’t trying to survive. I’m trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot.” I keep this phrase in my mind to remind me why I’m pursing this. I want to do something fun, influential, and acquire currency without having to hate it. But you know, some people don’t necessarily feel the same as me nor will understand my point of view.
Q: What advice would you offer to those who want to get into the music industry themselves?
A: Build connections, network, get to know people, and perfect your craft. Oh, and OWN YOUR MASTERS, get to know EVERYTHING about what your getting yourself into before you get too deep.

Q: What projects do you or your team have coming up? 
A: Well I can’t reveal anything to you all about MY stuff because I don’t like spoilers but I can say I’m working on about 4 projects (2 solo and 2 joint) for the future. One of the joint projects is finished; but for the rest of the year, I’m chilling. So far the summer has been good with some releases from D-$tone and Rahmel but for the rest of the year we’re focused on other members, just know The Sound got some stuff planned for you guys and Chris Styles is up next.
Anything else that you want to add?
A: Thank you for taking your time out to read my essay *laughs*, and shoutouts to Elementsofahippie for this opportunity.
A: Thank you for taking your time out to read my essay *laughs*, and shoutouts to Elementsofahippe for this opportunity.
Where can we find you and/or Envyus Records?

Now before you guys go check out some of Kaspers music !
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I am Sandra Bland

Fierce.

Outspoken.

A person that knows their rights.

A person who is strong minded about the rights for people of color.

Black.

A woman.

A black woman.

I am Sandra Bland. I am a fierce, outspoken, black woman that is strong minded about the rights for people of color and knows her rights.

Her story could have been my story is my story.


What’s crazy to me is the story that is being made up about this woman, her arrest and her untimely death.

What disgusts me most is how they are describing Sandra.

“She should have listened to the officer.”
“The autopsy found weed in her system.”
“She was defiant.”
“If she was my daughter, I would be embarrassed by the way she acted”
“She tried to commit suicide last year .. because she miscarried.”

But let me take it back just a few steps. What I don’t understand is that a white man can

a) Kill multiple children in a school
b) Shoot up an entire movie theater
c) sit down with a group of black people for an hour, almost not kill them because “they were so nice” then shoot them execution style
d) I can’t think of anything else right now but I KNOW there’s 389745837032975 examples

and can be deemed “insane” during the time of the incident and have people be sympathetic to their actions. “Little Johnny had a bad home life” “It wasn’t little Johnny’s fault” “Little Johnny was such a nice kid”.

HOWEVER, when the VICTIM is a black person they are constantly trying to find reasons that their death is justified. “Well, little Trayvon shouldn’t have worn the hoodie” “Big Mike … well he shouldn’t have been out that night” “Sandra Bland should’ve listened to the cop”

As if these are justifiable reasons why another one of my people should end up dead.

But that is a whole other post, discussion, topic, problem.

So Fast Forward.
SO WHAT SANDRA had weed in her system. Does that mean this case isn’t sufficient enough to do an in depth investigation although we know nothing will be done to these officers (which is apart of the problem).
So what she tried to commit suicide last year after suffering something heartbreaking like losing your child -____-.
Fact of the matter is the circumstances under which “she committed suicide” just DOES NOT add up.

Then there’s the speculations about what really happened that quite frankly make more sense then the statement made by the police.

If you don’t know what the statement was – they stated that Sandra Bland committed suicide using a trash bag from the cell. They also said that they found her around 9 am

Now here’s comments from some people

 

Now here’s where I REALLY started to think

Interesting right?

This picture also intrigued me. Especially as people began to explain it more. So I did just as the woman in the picture did. I laid on the floor and noticed how my shoulders instantly moved up. Then I stood up in front of the mirror and noticed how (as straight as I tired to put my shoulders) it still slanted downwards. And I was completely baffled. As I continued to read these posts coupled with my knowledge of the situation, I began to get infuriated. This could have been me, my mother, one of my friends. This could be my future daughter.

It’s sickening. It’s frustrating. But this is the world we live in. It won’t end.

Until we really start fighting for the respect we deserve.

#BLACKLIVESMATTER  #SAYHERNAME #SANDRABLAND #IAMSANDRABLAND

So I’ll end this with saying Sandra Bland (among with all my brothers and sisters who lost their lives due to ignorance and hatred) are in my heart. I will fight for you. For myself. For my brothers. My future children. For our people.
You will be remembered.

When will it end . . .

Lately it seems as though our world has been in more turmoil than usual -or should I say that these horrid things are finally coming to light. I honestly don’t know where to begin. There was that one time that a police officer shot an unarmed black man. Oh wait … that happened more than once. Or how about the idiot who decided that he was going to murder 9 people in a church. No no no, how about the burning of multiple historically black churches in the south and the KKK reportedly recruiting new members. Let’s not forget a few weeks ago when a ‘stressed out’ officer wove his gun in multiple young black teens faces and continued my pinning a 15 year old girl to the ground, in Texas. I mean, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Now, all of these are extremely disheartening. However, there is one topic that has been troubling me more-so than the rest. I would like to take a trip out of Amerikkka and talk about the despicable actions that are taking place in the Dominican Republic.

What’s there to know?

Well, if you haven’t heard, the constitutional court of the Dominican Republic declared that descendents of undocumented immigrants who settled in DR after 1929 will no longer have a citizenship (particularly targeted at Haitians and Dominicans of Haitian descent) in the Dominican Republic.

What does this mean?

This means that many Dominicans who have a Haitian background are now being overtly discriminated against (while it was done more discreetly in previous decades). Haitians who reside in the Dominican Republic are especially taking the brunt of the racial tension. I recently read that a Haitian teenage boy was hung in DR and I can most certainly bet that that isn’t the first or last time that this will happen. It’s sickening. Besides that, these people can no longer work, go to school or take care of themselves and their families. These Dominicans are being forced to go to another country (Haiti) for which most of them have no clue about the Haitian culture or even the language. This means that over 250,000 darker skinned Dominicans and Haitians living in DR are the target of brutal racism.

Here’s a video for you all to watch:

In this video, you will see a family describe the torture they have been going through and well this is one of the better stories. Some other stories depict people who have no food, shelter or way of communicating in their new home of Haiti. It’s deplorable how far racism goes. Especially within a country that (although many of them don’t want to admit it) IS BLACK by every standard.

Even better is this video below in which Juan Rodriguez describes what it’s like to be black in the Dominican Republic. He states that although it saddens him, he had to learn that his roots are not in Spain as most Dominicans are taught. He also stated that OVER 90% of the Dominican population are descendants of Africans.

While some people support what is going on in the Dominican Republic (although, I can’t see how) many others are claiming this to be a sequel to what happened in the 1930’s when Dominican dictator Rafael Trujillo commanded the killing of over 20,000 Haitians and Dominicans of Haitian descent. Upon research, I found that Trujillo believed that true Dominicans were a mix of Spaniards and native Tainos and that Haitians were inferior and repugnant descendants of Africans. The irony of the life of Rafael Trujillo stems from the fact that he himself was a Dominican of Haitian descent (as are many other Dominicans) .. talk about self hatred!

So, all these things cause me to wonder where the hate stems from. Especially, when there is so much more in common than not. Yes, Dominicans are a mix of Tainos and Spaniards (as are most of the Caribbean and West Indian islands, such as Jamaica, Cuba, Trinidad, Puerto Rico and many more) but there is NO DENYING that there are African roots as well. What’s so wrong with that? Being that many of my closest friends are Haitian, my heart bleeds for them and for our race going towards the future. It also causes me to wonder about the Dominican friends I do have; are they against this, are they for it .. do they consider themselves to be black, do they wish Haitians would stop migrating to their side of Hispaniola. It just makes me sad that during a time that we should be coming together -there is racial tension within our own race.

Sidenote: For those who don’t know – Tainos are Native American Indians – Arawaks to be specific.

Besides, if Dominicans were to go to Spain … what do they think will happen? Are those Spaniards going to welcome them with open arms? Lol, I didn’t think so either.

#BlackLivesMatter #HaitianLivesMatter #MelaninISBEAUTIFUL

xoxo Cielo.

What are your thoughts on this?