How To Get Your Life When You Feel Lost

I’m been away from my blogging safe haven for a while and during that time I had a breakdown, an epiphany, felt lost and confused .. and ultimately got back up and began to re-find myself.

I. Am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.

Everyday is a challenge.

No, seriously.

A multitude of things has happened during my time away from my blogging safe haven. I am finishing up the final touches of redecorating my room. My heart was broken. I booked a vacation rental to Costa Rica for my 23rd birthday. My heart was broken again lol. I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I began to feel very uninspired. I re-found my voice. I wrote. A lot. I realigned my goals. My laptop broke – which ultimately stopped me from blogging to you all about all the things that I’ve been dealing with. I got a new laptop. I started to revisit the world of dating -yass honey! I started my natural body butters. I’ve been learning and experimenting with new jewelry designs and finding ways to better myself and my craft. I tried being vegan for a week. I realized that I can only be vegan for a week and the pescatarian lifestyle is for me lol. I also realized that my working environment isn’t one that makes me happy. Realized that a part of the reason that it is so hard to steadily be happy and journey on towards peace is because I am surrounded by more negative things, people and places than I thought. I realized that I need to separate myself from those things now more than ever for the sake of my mental health, clarity and continuous path to self love. Oh, I need a new job guys. This is FACTS. I’m actively looking. However, I also realized that my true goal is to work for myself. Aside from that, I also had to remind myself that even during my times of doubt and frustration that I am an extraordinary, exceptional, brilliant and beautiful human being. So for the time I was away ….. I laughed, I cried, I learned … and realized that I am a confused, beautiful but … seriously a confused mess and I need to get my life.

Yes, you read that long ass paragraph only for it to end with “I’m confused”. I am lost in translation. Swept up in thoughts of how to make myself a better person than I was yesterday and caught between making those around me happy, helping out where I can and perfecting my craft and writing and re-finding my voice and just wanting some plain old love and attention!

If the title has compelled you to read this then you’re probably waiting for the part where I give a list of proper advice about how to get ya life! Listen, this is one time where I am just as lost as you. No proper advice over here just the beginning phases of life getting that I went through, lol.


During my time away I learned that the best way to start is to identify the problem. The source of stress. Source of sadness, hindrance, confusion etc. For me, that was identifying that I felt stuck, stagnant and complacent.

Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about why I felt this way. I’ve been out of college for over a year now. I don’t have a job in my field. I gave up a year of my life to help out someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it. My business has been open for a year and I feel like it should be bigger than it is (while I do know these things take patience, time, hard work and dedication). A relationship that I thought was going to flourish in every sense of the word … failed. I couldn’t hold on to money. Felt like important people in my life weren’t matching the effort in which I give them (this still holds true but this is for another post lol). Oh man, and so much more.

I cried. Then I cried some more. I let out a rage of emotions.

Then I snapped out of it.

If you are a frequent reader of my blog, it won’t surprise you that I then made a list.

I made a list of goals. Then I prioritized them. Then I made a list of how to accomplish them. I made a list of my feelings. Then I made a list of how to work through each one.

I consoled myself. Because at 2 a.m when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and there’s no one you can call .. you’re all you have. And even when you feel like you deserve more than that or you don’t feel like that’s not enough … YOU HAVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU. No matter what.

I revisited yoga and different breathing practices. Because during this time, I stopped and I could feel the tension rising within me.

I prayed. I’m not religious in any sense of the word but I believe in a higher power and I find solace in talking to that being.

I woke up one morning and I decided that I could no longer let my feelings of complacency stop me from being motivated and taking charge of my life.

I woke up that same morning grateful that I have been given another chance to make things right & to be my best self.

I applied to jobs. I read a little. Put on a face mask. Laughed. Facetimed bae and told myself that the following days would be different.

I spoke my goals into existence and I have been doing it since that morning.

Then I smiled because the only place to go from here is up. There will be a few more bad patches along the way -I know. There will be more times, when I’m feeling less grateful and less blissful, more discouraged, more frustrated but I know that I will overcome it. As I stated before, I am an extraordinary, beautiful, intelligent, confused mess and I realized if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have it any other way.

& CHECK .. there you have it, in the midst of all things confusing, ya girl has begun to get her life.

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Along My Spiritual Journey: The Beginning

A few months before my 21st birthday I think I had an epiphany. I kind of fell … into myself. Let me explain.

I have always felt like the odd one out. Externally, I was happy and just like everyone else. Internally, I knew I was different. I pretended to enjoy the same things that everyone else did. I pretended that my beliefs were the same as theirs. I pretended that I cared about the same things. I knew I didn’t but externally it made me fit right in. So much so, that in high school it became me … or rather I became it. I became the girl that cared about drama. I became the girl that was hard on the exterior. I became the girl that didn’t take any shit. I became the beauty queen that everyone desired to be. The alpha female. Externally.

Internally, I was fighting. With myself. With what others would think of me. You see, when I was living in Boston .. although I pretended and I kind of fit, I never felt comfortable. It never felt like home. But when I moved back to New York, my pretending got me accepted. The boy I liked, liked me back. I mean he worshiped the ground I walked on. I made friends instantly .. and we clicked just the same. My home life wasn’t the best (I resented my family a lot because they continued their life in New York while I had to start over in another state … but that’s another story lol) but I was healthy and happy .. externally.

Internally, I still felt different. Awkward. Always trying to find the right thing to say. Although everyone thought I had it all figured out. So I went along with it. Up until the last day of high school. Good riddens, except for a few close friends I left high school and my pretend games behind. Or so I thought.

When I got to college, I was ecstatic. I felt like a new chapter had begun. Until one piece of high school followed me to college. She didn’t know me all too well, but we had the same group of friends .. and she felt safe, so we clung to each other. I could tell that she was playing a pretend game too, although we never spoke about it. Together along with some other friends we met, we became the cool freshmans. But we, us two stood out. For different reasons, and this story isn’t about her sooooo yea lol. I stood out for those same reason as I did in high school. I became one of the popular girls. In my group, I was considered the outspoken one, the one that people went to, the one that everyone wanted but couldn’t get, the one that couldn’t be figured out but had the answers, the plans. I was once again an alpha female.

I won’t lie. While in college, I did enjoy my pretend game. I felt on top of the world. And I had my group of best friends that I could turn to. To release the real me … at a bare minimum. Until a bare minimum with 5 or 6 girls wasn’t enough. I got tired of being sheltered. Sheltering myself and who I really was. I began to hate myself again. The fight and anger brewing inside of my yet again. External vs internal. Who I want to be vs Who I am. Ah.

The transition from sophomore year to junior year was the hardest and most fulfilling. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. Lol.

Sophomore year, I lost a good friend (yes, it was the girl from the previous paragraph). See, her game of pretending ended .. quite abruptly. Then she transferred schools. But, like I said this story isn’t about her lol. After losing her, I began to reevaluate things that were important to me. Over time, my views on things began to change. And I voiced them. I no longer stated what people wanted to hear. I stated what was from my heart .. as cheesy as that sounds. Buttttttttttt, something was still, I don’t know .. blocking me? Maybe it was me blocking me because I was so used to hiding the bitter parts of myself.

Well anyways, I continue to struggle internally and I think externally it began to show. I distanced myself from my loved ones, buried my head in books and work and went on a small hiatus. Then things went left. On my haitus, I fell off. I didn’t care about anything and fell into a spell of depression. And I mean things really did go LEFT. Everything that could go wrong .. was going wrong. Love life – wrong. Friendships – wrong. Work – I got fired so yea wrong. School – WRONG.

This is going to sound so cheesy and cliche and every word that is synonymous with cliche … but then I had a terrible hair mishap. Bare with me readers, lol. This hair mishap resulted in me having to cut my hair (something that I wanted to do for a while but was too afraid to do). Let. Me. Tell. You. I had never felt so free. The day I cut my hair was the day I got fired. I had cried on the way to my moms friends apartment but when I got there I was at ease. I guess I knew a change was coming lol. I told everyone that I got fired and they gasped. I remember giggling and although I felt terrible, saying “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason”. He told me to prepare myself and I sat in this little chair while he gathered his equipment. I vividly remember the buzzing sound as he turned the clippers on. I was scared as hell! And as he took this razor to my head, I began to shed so many fucking tears it was unbelievable. I just cried. It felt so good. Like years and years of fake, bullshit, sucky moments were being washed away. Oh my goodness. I remember when he was done, I let out this huge sigh, I wiped my eyes and he gave me a mirror. I was afraid to look, but everyone in the house was cheering me on and making me feel so pretty and awesome lol. I looked in the mirror, smiled and cried all over again because I truly did feel free in that very moment

That exact moment was when I think I had the epiphany.

The next week at school, listen honey… I slayed. It was the last week of junior year but I still felt on top of the world. I carried that same attitude through summer vacation and back again into my senior year. Oh man, senior year (once again, that’s another story lol).

The beginning of senior year was met with so much positive vibes and good energy. The start of my spiritual journey had begun. I said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Felt the way I wanted and without apologizes.
This time around, I was still outspoken but in the most genuine and authentic way. Like, I am cheesing as I write this. That is how amazing it felt. I was still a reliable source for people, I was still dependable, tactful, charming and beautiful and people saw that. I was still an alpha female, but in a more positive and luminescent way. As a matter of fact more people gravitated towards me and the energy that I gave off. Was I still guarded? Of course. It was just the beginning. But opening up myself to receive the energy of other amazing and positive people was something I had never felt before and it was invigorating. I was satisfied externally and internally for the first time in what felt like forever.

I remember a friend of mine, Brian pulled me aside and he said to me “I see a change in you from the girl you were when I first met you and the woman you are now. I love it. Keep getting better. I see you, Sky”. I wonder if he remembers that. Lol. That comment was one of the best compliments I had ever received in my life .. even to this day. It just let me know that all along, I could have been myself .. and been happy being myself and the right people would have gravitated towards me from the beginning.

But everything happens for a reason.

I know that.

As a matter of fact, I am grateful it didn’t happen from the beginning because I wouldn’t have learned to love myself the way I do now. I wouldn’t have grown. Every hardship that I have overcome has helped shape me into a better person.


Making this this blog, has been about continuing to open myself up, in hopes to inspire at least one person. Or to help at least one person. Or to let at least one person know that they are not alone … and it is okay to be weird lol. With that being said, I hope that you guys enjoyed this post – a little more intimate side of me and who I am. Like the title says, this was just the beginning so stay tuned for part two. ❤

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Haul Time| Summer Sandals featuring Asos & Missguided

Summer time is coming! Vacation time is near!

And I’m out of control, lol.

Recently I’ve been stocking up on a bunch of summer essentials ❤ and sandals have been high on that list.

Below are some of the new members to my shoe family. I got some great shoes and even better deals!

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I needed some new neutral sandals and brown is always the first color on my list when I think of items that are versatile. While peeking around in Target, I came across these beautiful leather and strap up Mossimo sandals. For people that have wide feet (like myself), these sandals are perfect because they have a unique design that helps to give your feet a slimming effect. Oh! and that wide leather band isn’t squeezing your feet into oblivion – which is always good.

Price – $20.00


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Ironically enough, I have never owned a pair of simple black sandals. I get so stuck on brown and tan colors that I neglect every other color. Lol. I definitely wanted to add black to my shoe collection and when I saw these on Asos, I had to get them. When it comes to shoes, I tend to be quite basic. However, these sandals also have a 3/4 inch platform so it gives it a little edge while still keeping true to my simplistic shoe style. Also if you are shopping on Asos, you get a student discount!

Price – $17.00


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I’ve noticed that when people hear “Payless” they tend to start the judging game. I am not ashamed to say that some of my best shoe purchases (especially for summer sandals and wedges) have been from Payless. There are a few things I love about these sandals. First the color. If black is not something I usually get then you can only imagine how out there silver is for me! I also love the unique ankle straps – that is certainly something that I haven’t had in my closet so I was excited about this purchase. The only con with these shoes are the front straps. For wide foot gals like myself, it is a little tight but after wearing it a couple of times I am sure that it will strength to become more comfortable.

Original Price – $39.00 | Price I Paid – $14.00


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These rhinestones make me feel like I’m back in 8th grade but something about these sandals screamed “Buy Me”. I love the double strap and the hippie vibe that the rope around the perimeter of the sandal is giving me. I also like the mini platform and the overall look of these sandals. Missguided is another online store that gives students a discount.

Original Price – $40.00 | Price I Paid – $17.00


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Rounding it off with some simplicity, I also got these beautiful sandals from Missguided. I love these shoes because while an all white sandal is a first for me, its still simple simple simple! This is something I can pair with just about anything and I love it. My favorite part about these sandals is the lightweight feel of it. While it does feature a platform and one inch heel, it is extremely comfortable and so free feeling. Walking around the house in these, I literally forgot they were on my feet – I did not want to take them off. The only con with these shoes …. it’s white so I will have to be extremely careful with these babies.

Original Price – 40.00  | Price I Paid – $12.00


Summer hasn’t arrived yet so I still have time to get more .. but I hope you enjoyed this mini haul and potentially found some new places to get some inexpensive summer deals ❤

xoxo
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Outfit Diaries | Suede On Suede

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I have been dying to wear this outfit! I recently got these beautiful suede pants in the mail and was immediately thinking of way to rock it! The first thing that came to my mind was this suede olive green shirt/dress that I got from a boutique in Bay Ridge. I indecisively struggled between what shoes to wear before opting for these pointed toe snake skinesque heels. Finally I topped off my outfit with a thrifted Rugby snake skin clutch and face full of glam -check my highlight lol ❤

Shirt/Dress| Flavour
Pants| H&M
Shoes| ZooShoo
Accesories| My moms closet
Clutch| Thrifted

Suede OutfitFashion BlogFashion Blogger

xoxo
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2 Baddies – 2 Styles

I’m blessed to have friends that share the same love of fashion that I do. While we all have similar tastes, it’s refreshing to know that we still have different styles and can still make just about anything look good. I decided that I would take a break on showing you my face for a while and instead show you two fashionistas that I’m proud to call my best friends.

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Shandy.22.Brooklyn, New York.
Style: Vintage mixed with Chic
Fashion Inspiration: Rihanna, the weather
What is she wearing?: Top, Bottom & Glasses – Forever21 | Shoes – Aldo’s

FullSizeRender(16)Bianca.21.Brookyln, New York
Style: Reserved but daring, Badass but modest and Boyish but simple
Fashion Inspiration: Other people, Personality, Mens clothing for quality and womens clothing for prints, patterns etc.
What is she wearing?: Top – Urban Outfitters (sale) | Skirt – Joe Fresh | Shoes – Jeffrey Campbells (sale)

xoxo Cielo.