How To Get Your Life When You Feel Lost

I. Am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.

Everyday is a challenge.

No, seriously.

A multitude of things has happened during my time away from my blogging safe haven. I am finishing up the final touches of redecorating my room. My heart was broken. I booked a vacation rental to Costa Rica for my 23rd birthday. My heart was broken again lol. I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I began to feel very uninspired. I re-found my voice. I wrote. A lot. I realigned my goals. My laptop broke – which ultimately stopped me from blogging to you all about all the things that I’ve been dealing with. I got a new laptop. I started to revisit the world of dating -yass honey! I started my natural body butters. I’ve been learning and experimenting with new jewelry designs and finding ways to better myself and my craft. I tried being vegan for a week. I realized that I can only be vegan for a week and the pescatarian lifestyle is for me lol. I also realized that my working environment isn’t one that makes me happy. Realized that a part of the reason that it is so hard to steadily be happy and journey on towards peace is because I am surrounded by more negative things, people and places than I thought. I realized that I need to separate myself from those things now more than ever for the sake of my mental health, clarity and continuous path to self love. Oh, I need a new job guys. This is FACTS. I’m actively looking. However, I also realized that my true goal is to work for myself. Aside from that, I also had to remind myself that even during my times of doubt and frustration that I am an extraordinary, exceptional, brilliant and beautiful human being. So for the time I was away ….. I laughed, I cried, I learned … and realized that I am a confused, beautiful but … seriously a confused mess and I need to get my life.

Yes, you read that long ass paragraph only for it to end with “I’m confused”. I am lost in translation. Swept up in thoughts of how to make myself a better person than I was yesterday and caught between making those around me happy, helping out where I can and perfecting my craft and writing and re-finding my voice and just wanting some plain old love and attention!

If the title has compelled you to read this then you’re probably waiting for the part where I give a list of proper advice about how to get ya life! Listen, this is one time where I am just as lost as you. No proper advice over here just the beginning phases of life getting that I went through, lol.


During my time away I learned that the best way to start is to identify the problem. The source of stress. Source of sadness, hindrance, confusion etc. For me, that was identifying that I felt stuck, stagnant and complacent.

Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about why I felt this way. I’ve been out of college for over a year now. I don’t have a job in my field. I gave up a year of my life to help out someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it. My business has been open for a year and I feel like it should be bigger than it is (while I do know these things take patience, time, hard work and dedication). A relationship that I thought was going to flourish in every sense of the word … failed. I couldn’t hold on to money. Felt like important people in my life weren’t matching the effort in which I give them (this still holds true but this is for another post lol). Oh man, and so much more.

I cried. Then I cried some more. I let out a rage of emotions.

Then I snapped out of it.

If you are a frequent reader of my blog, it won’t surprise you that I then made a list.

I made a list of goals. Then I prioritized them. Then I made a list of how to accomplish them. I made a list of my feelings. Then I made a list of how to work through each one.

I consoled myself. Because at 2 a.m when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and there’s no one you can call .. you’re all you have. And even when you feel like you deserve more than that or you don’t feel like that’s not enough … YOU HAVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU. No matter what.

I revisited yoga and different breathing practices. Because during this time, I stopped and I could feel the tension rising within me.

I prayed. I’m not religious in any sense of the word but I believe in a higher power and I find solace in talking to that being.

I woke up one morning and I decided that I could no longer let my feelings of complacency stop me from being motivated and taking charge of my life.

I woke up that same morning grateful that I have been given another chance to make things right & to be my best self.

I applied to jobs. I read a little. Put on a face mask. Laughed. Facetimed bae and told myself that the following days would be different.

I spoke my goals into existence and I have been doing it since that morning.

Then I smiled because the only place to go from here is up. There will be a few more bad patches along the way -I know. There will be more times, when I’m feeling less grateful and less blissful, more discouraged, more frustrated but I know that I will overcome it. As I stated before, I am an extraordinary, beautiful, intelligent, confused mess and I realized if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have it any other way.

& CHECK .. there you have it, in the midst of all things confusing, ya girl has begun to get her life.

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Daily Reminder #2

“It WILL get worse before it gets better and when better comes it’s gonna feel so damn good”.signature.jpgKeep up with me:
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Daily Reminder #1

I must be dragged through mud before I see my flower bloom.

I got this 👌🏾


So I’m starting this little thing, lol. I don’t know what to call it yet. But in light of all the negativity that has been surrounding us lately, I think it’s important to constantly surround ourselves with positive words, thoughts and people.

I was having a rough day, a few days ago. I had to gather myself and in doing so I told myself “I must be dragged through mud before I see my flower bloom.” I don’t know why those words came to me the way that they did. But they did. It came, formulated in my heart and mind at the perfect time. Then I realized, I got this. I am an amazing and powerful, authentically beautiful female. There will be more hardships to come but through those strenuous times, I will prevail. ❤

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Along My Spiritual Journey: The Beginning

A few months before my 21st birthday I think I had an epiphany. I kind of fell … into myself. Let me explain.

I have always felt like the odd one out. Externally, I was happy and just like everyone else. Internally, I knew I was different. I pretended to enjoy the same things that everyone else did. I pretended that my beliefs were the same as theirs. I pretended that I cared about the same things. I knew I didn’t but externally it made me fit right in. So much so, that in high school it became me … or rather I became it. I became the girl that cared about drama. I became the girl that was hard on the exterior. I became the girl that didn’t take any shit. I became the beauty queen that everyone desired to be. The alpha female. Externally.

Internally, I was fighting. With myself. With what others would think of me. You see, when I was living in Boston .. although I pretended and I kind of fit, I never felt comfortable. It never felt like home. But when I moved back to New York, my pretending got me accepted. The boy I liked, liked me back. I mean he worshiped the ground I walked on. I made friends instantly .. and we clicked just the same. My home life wasn’t the best (I resented my family a lot because they continued their life in New York while I had to start over in another state … but that’s another story lol) but I was healthy and happy .. externally.

Internally, I still felt different. Awkward. Always trying to find the right thing to say. Although everyone thought I had it all figured out. So I went along with it. Up until the last day of high school. Good riddens, except for a few close friends I left high school and my pretend games behind. Or so I thought.

When I got to college, I was ecstatic. I felt like a new chapter had begun. Until one piece of high school followed me to college. She didn’t know me all too well, but we had the same group of friends .. and she felt safe, so we clung to each other. I could tell that she was playing a pretend game too, although we never spoke about it. Together along with some other friends we met, we became the cool freshmans. But we, us two stood out. For different reasons, and this story isn’t about her sooooo yea lol. I stood out for those same reason as I did in high school. I became one of the popular girls. In my group, I was considered the outspoken one, the one that people went to, the one that everyone wanted but couldn’t get, the one that couldn’t be figured out but had the answers, the plans. I was once again an alpha female.

I won’t lie. While in college, I did enjoy my pretend game. I felt on top of the world. And I had my group of best friends that I could turn to. To release the real me … at a bare minimum. Until a bare minimum with 5 or 6 girls wasn’t enough. I got tired of being sheltered. Sheltering myself and who I really was. I began to hate myself again. The fight and anger brewing inside of my yet again. External vs internal. Who I want to be vs Who I am. Ah.

The transition from sophomore year to junior year was the hardest and most fulfilling. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. Lol.

Sophomore year, I lost a good friend (yes, it was the girl from the previous paragraph). See, her game of pretending ended .. quite abruptly. Then she transferred schools. But, like I said this story isn’t about her lol. After losing her, I began to reevaluate things that were important to me. Over time, my views on things began to change. And I voiced them. I no longer stated what people wanted to hear. I stated what was from my heart .. as cheesy as that sounds. Buttttttttttt, something was still, I don’t know .. blocking me? Maybe it was me blocking me because I was so used to hiding the bitter parts of myself.

Well anyways, I continue to struggle internally and I think externally it began to show. I distanced myself from my loved ones, buried my head in books and work and went on a small hiatus. Then things went left. On my haitus, I fell off. I didn’t care about anything and fell into a spell of depression. And I mean things really did go LEFT. Everything that could go wrong .. was going wrong. Love life – wrong. Friendships – wrong. Work – I got fired so yea wrong. School – WRONG.

This is going to sound so cheesy and cliche and every word that is synonymous with cliche … but then I had a terrible hair mishap. Bare with me readers, lol. This hair mishap resulted in me having to cut my hair (something that I wanted to do for a while but was too afraid to do). Let. Me. Tell. You. I had never felt so free. The day I cut my hair was the day I got fired. I had cried on the way to my moms friends apartment but when I got there I was at ease. I guess I knew a change was coming lol. I told everyone that I got fired and they gasped. I remember giggling and although I felt terrible, saying “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason”. He told me to prepare myself and I sat in this little chair while he gathered his equipment. I vividly remember the buzzing sound as he turned the clippers on. I was scared as hell! And as he took this razor to my head, I began to shed so many fucking tears it was unbelievable. I just cried. It felt so good. Like years and years of fake, bullshit, sucky moments were being washed away. Oh my goodness. I remember when he was done, I let out this huge sigh, I wiped my eyes and he gave me a mirror. I was afraid to look, but everyone in the house was cheering me on and making me feel so pretty and awesome lol. I looked in the mirror, smiled and cried all over again because I truly did feel free in that very moment

That exact moment was when I think I had the epiphany.

The next week at school, listen honey… I slayed. It was the last week of junior year but I still felt on top of the world. I carried that same attitude through summer vacation and back again into my senior year. Oh man, senior year (once again, that’s another story lol).

The beginning of senior year was met with so much positive vibes and good energy. The start of my spiritual journey had begun. I said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Felt the way I wanted and without apologizes.
This time around, I was still outspoken but in the most genuine and authentic way. Like, I am cheesing as I write this. That is how amazing it felt. I was still a reliable source for people, I was still dependable, tactful, charming and beautiful and people saw that. I was still an alpha female, but in a more positive and luminescent way. As a matter of fact more people gravitated towards me and the energy that I gave off. Was I still guarded? Of course. It was just the beginning. But opening up myself to receive the energy of other amazing and positive people was something I had never felt before and it was invigorating. I was satisfied externally and internally for the first time in what felt like forever.

I remember a friend of mine, Brian pulled me aside and he said to me “I see a change in you from the girl you were when I first met you and the woman you are now. I love it. Keep getting better. I see you, Sky”. I wonder if he remembers that. Lol. That comment was one of the best compliments I had ever received in my life .. even to this day. It just let me know that all along, I could have been myself .. and been happy being myself and the right people would have gravitated towards me from the beginning.

But everything happens for a reason.

I know that.

As a matter of fact, I am grateful it didn’t happen from the beginning because I wouldn’t have learned to love myself the way I do now. I wouldn’t have grown. Every hardship that I have overcome has helped shape me into a better person.


Making this this blog, has been about continuing to open myself up, in hopes to inspire at least one person. Or to help at least one person. Or to let at least one person know that they are not alone … and it is okay to be weird lol. With that being said, I hope that you guys enjoyed this post – a little more intimate side of me and who I am. Like the title says, this was just the beginning so stay tuned for part two. ❤

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Dear Black Women …

There’s this thing women do … specifically black women. I hate it.

We live in a world where the black woman is constantly mistreated. We are unheard. Abused. Considered the low of the low. And when we speak out about the injustices that we face, we are deemed angry, aggressive, unruly and (my favorite) ghetto/ratchet .. when really we are just indignant and tired.

That’s why I hate it.

I HATE when women – women of color, my sisters talk down to and judge other sisters. It does something to me. Pisses me off on a whole other level.

I was tempted to talk about this at this particular moment for two reasons:

  1. Sometime last week, a young idiot on twitter decided to post this picture along with a caption that read “Ladies, line up in order from Chill to Petty”. To which he received many wonderful RT’s that included things like ” Line up in order from independent to child supportive” and “Line up in order from highest to lowest GPA” among others.image
    All I could think at that moment was ‘wow’. A black man sending out that tweet. I mean, it’s sad to say but sometimes it doesn’t seem that the black man is on our side. Then I had to change my point of view and I narrowed it down to age and ignorance because well he is young and clearly has much growing up to do.
    So what does that have to do with us, black women?

    Well, I took to FB and I was insanely close to calling out (some) black men for their lack of respect and for demeaning black woman  for the exact thing that they praise white women for … until I saw a dark skinned woman repost the picture. Instead of firing rage at the young man that posted this disgusting picture and calling black woman to stand together, her comment was something along the lines of “All light skinned women think they’re better when really they are just submissive and uneducated because they don’t need to be. They get a pass because of their skin color and they don’t know the ‘real’ struggle of being a black woman”.
    I was truly amazed. I was even more amazed as I saw the comments under the post.
    I mean, dark skinned woman, light skinned, brown skinned, yellow, purple and blue … all these woman were angry with each other and I was insanely confused and entirely appalled.

  2. After seeing that post, I remembered a conversation I had with someone (let’s call her Erica). Erica, my younger brother and myself were having a conversation about my brothers ‘relationships’. My younger brother stated that he would never date a dark skinned woman, to which I looked at him and his dark skin, thought about his mother and her dark skin and asked if he was stupid before asking him why not. He stated that he just didn’t want anyone dark. As I tried to explain to his young, ignorant, 16 year old mind how ridiculous he sounded spewing self hate, Erica stated that she defended my brother. She continued on to say that her son could never bring someone that is “too dark” home and I had to look at her like she was insane.

    The hate that we black woman share for one another is disgusting. (SOME) Light skin women denying their blackness and feeling as though they are better than others. (SOME) Dark skin women hating light skin women who are on their side and denying them the right to their blackness. And it’s more than just the fight between skin tones. Sometimes, I’ll see black women nit picking at anything that her sister does. “Natural vs Perms”, “Casual Dressing vs Mini Skirts”, “Hoes vs Wife Material”. I mean it’s repulsive. To hear my sisters, black women constantly belittle and judge each other. Especially when we have so much working against us.

    It’s clear that I am a ‘high yellow’ light skin chick. I get that. I also get that because of colorism in our culture sometimes I am ‘favored’ more than my darker skin sisters. But, I try to change that. For this present, and the future. I try to empower all woman of color because at the end of the day my fight is your fight and your fight is mine. We all have different experiences being a black woman but that doesn’t mean anyone’s story is inferior to anyone elses. How can we expect to overcome the Donald Trumps in the world if we keep holding ourselves back. There’s this constant battle between who is better than who and all I keep wondering is why the hell can’t we all be great. Praise our strengths and where we come from, acknowledge our faults and learn from them while banding together to become stronger than any of our persecutors ever imagined.

    We are bigger than the fight that was created for us. We are bigger than this systematic oppression they have laid in front of our faces. It was said over 300 years ago that the way to keep the black race down was to create a division within. That is was colorism is. Pinning us against one another. And in a time where we have white women preaching feminism that doesn’t account for us, in a time where non black women want to be black and steal our culture without knowing our struggles and giving us credit, in a time where a white mans only use for a black woman is to sexualize and fetishize us, in a time where many black men don’t appreciate us, I challenge you to uplift your sister and not help in holding her back.

    We all have to do better. ❤

    So, what I’m trying to say is … who gonna have our backs if we don’t have it?

xoxo
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I’m Just Not Motivated …

is no longer an excuse.

Get motivated. Simple. Find ways to build yourself up because quite frankly if you’re waiting for someone to make you feel better about yourself .. you might just be waiting forever.

Now I don’t mean to sound harsh – I promise.

However, the CONSTANT self pity party just isn’t going to cut it anymore. We all have obstacles that we face, challenges that make us feel like we can’t succeed and self esteem issues that bring us down from time to time. You can’t let those things hold you back and hold you down. You have to fight through that and show yourself that you CAN succeed at whatever it is that you put your mind to. You have to face those challenges head on (and even if you fail, learn from your mistakes and know that you tried your hardest). You have to look at yourself and know that you are worthy of taking on those challenges and risks and know that it is okay to fail because through failures you learn, you grow and you become a better you. 

I know some people are reading this and are thinking “Easier said than done.”

You are absolutely right.

.

..

Until you do it.

What’s stopping you from taking that first step?

You are. So fight through that. Build yourself up. Have faith in yourself. Every time you have a negative thought … stop yourself, breathe and replace that thought with a thought that will benefit your mental state of mind.

You got this. Believe in yourself. GET MOTIVATED!


Some other tips from me to you:
  1. Write a list of things that you want to accomplish. It can be anything from work out more, look for new jobs, do better in school, call your friends more to finishing a book. (Doesn’t matter the order .. just write until you can’t think anymore).
  2. Take one thing from that list and write ANOTHER list of the many ways that you can accomplish that goal.
  3. DO IT.
  4. Cross it off of your list.
  5. Now take another thing from that list and do the same thing. Keep going.
  6. Start to feel better about yourself.
  7. Give these tips to someone else who is having a hard time.

Trust me it helps & good luck.

xoxo Cielo.

withered.

She loved with all her might

Gave him all her fight

He didn’t appreciate her

Abused and misused her

Until finally her love for herself

Surpassed her love for him

Until finally her love for him

Withered

Away

Into

Thin

Air

He turns around and she isn’t there.

xoxo Cielo.

2.

I write too …

For years, I would always write down my thoughts in a variety of journals. I mean anything from personal thoughts, to things happening daily, to poems and short stories. Yet, I was never brave enough to show anyone those writings and even more afraid to voice those thoughts and feelings. Needless to say, I kind of liked that I wasn’t brave enough because that meant that my writing was just for me and at that time that was really the only thing that I had to get me through the days. However, around my freshman/sophomore year of high school, I found an outlet; a sort of gated community where people seemed to understand how I felt without me saying or doing much. So I decided for some time to use tumblr as my way to release my pent up feelings but when it got popular I began to feel constricted yet again … so I stopped posting there and took to reblogging pictures that held no substance. I remember one time after I stopped posting on tumblr, I showed a ‘friend’ of mine a poem I wrote (you know trying that whole courage thing) and her response to me was so lackadaisical that I became even more discouraged and so for more years then I would have liked I retreated back to my shell of journals and returned to writing there. Until I had the courage to make this blog. Except that I haven’t had the courage to post anything that I’ve written. So with that being said, I’m turning over a new leaf … this blog was made for me to be myself 1,000 % and inspire others to do the same so I don’t plan to break that promise to myself. I guess you can call this an epiphany of sorts to myself but either way, stay tuned because I might just have a poem posted very soon. 

xoxo Cielo.

Life Is Not A Race

Nor is it a competition. Honestly, I’m going to keep this post short but I do want to get a message across. Many times in my life, I found myself comparing my success (and lack there of) to the success of others.

“Well, if she can do that then why can’t I?”

“He passed that class and I didn’t … that teacher just hates me.”

“I’m obviously just a failure because if she could do that and I can’t then something is wrong.”

“We both got the job, I have to make sure that they know I am a better worker.”

These are all the detrimental things that I would tell myself.

Let’s just say nothing good came of it either. I was at my worst ; self-doubting, discouraged, cowardly and just a plain ole debbie downer.

And overcoming those self defeating behaviors were just HARD – to put it simply.

The point that I am trying to make is this – No one’s successes and/or non-accomplishments (because I would rather not say failures) has ANYTHING to do with you or vice versa. You are your own person who moves at their own speed. Never forget that.

I had to learn that I am no less of a person just because something didn’t happen the way that I envisioned it too. Or because I believed that someone got the blessing I thought was meant for me. And if you are in this predicament, you need to learn it too. Trust me. As cliche as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. Stop measuring your self-worth and success based on what you think you should have or based on where you think you should be in life at this point. Stop measuring your success and happiness based on what others are doing or based on what they think. LIFE IS NOT A RACE NOR IS IT A COMPETITION so stop acting like it and work at your own pace, doing the things you love and continue to overcome any obstacle that you may face.

I promise good things are sure to follow.

xoxo Cielo.

Positivity Everywhere – Who, What and Why?

I recently started a new section on my blog entitled “Positivity Everywhere”. I started off this section by introducing to you all two young people on the path to success and prosperity through keeping a positive mind and working hard. However, many people were confused about the sudden emergence of my interview styled segment, so here I am explaining it to you.

Who will I include in this section of my blog?

There is no specification to who I will ask to participate in this section of my blog. Honestly, anyone that I believe to be doing something positive with themselves is someone that I will consider. You don’t have to have a clothing line or be a self-published author to be considered someone who is successful in my eyes. You could have won an award, volunteer, or simply just be a genuine, humble and/or hardworking person. There are so many ways to be positive and spread that graciousness around.

What is the purpose of this?

The purpose of this is to show others that there are still people out there that are not only doing great things for themselves but for others as well. The purpose is to bring light to these people who have overcome many adversities, who have worked hard, who have failed time and time again but never gave up. I want others to look at this section of my blog (as well as my blog as a whole) and be motivated to be their best selves. We all have stories, but they all don’t have to end bad.

Why did I chose to do this?

I chose to do this because there was a time that I needed to see people my age, people who had a similar story to mine, people who overcame something-anything, do positive things and well I didn’t really have that. I know there are more people out there that are in that same boat … I want to help those that I can, motivate those who are discouraged and show them that they can do whatever they put their minds to.


I hope you guys enjoy this segment just as much as I enjoyed putting it together and if you guys know anyone who should be included in this segment, don’t be afraid to reach out ! Also, don’t forget to share this everyone ! ! !

xoxo Cielo.