the passion (and purpose) behind it all

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saturday, 8:24 a.m

i’m up. tea to the right of me. book to the left. pen tucked behind my ear. most importantly, phone out of sight. i’m present.

my passion and purpose in this realm is something that i had often thought about. but my fear made me halt that thought process … or rather, i let my fear halt that thought process. and i know it’s important to live in the present, but to live in the present aimlessly? i don’t know about that.

but life has a way of shaking things up when you’ve gotten too complacent -too stagnant, too comfortable. it has a way of telling you that how you are living wasn’t the way intended. but what do you then?

well, i reflected. it took a while.
but first, i kicked myself out the fearful rut that was making me a stranger to my own creativity. i guess i should start with that right?
i pushed and pushed. i did a lot of writing and meditating and pouring into self .. i didn’t realize my glass was emptyyyyy! and by doing these things, reflection came.

my reflecting first started by confronting why i was afraid, acknowledging that and holding myself accountable for how i let fear hold me down and back and then taking action on it -which i now realize will have to be another post, lol.

after that,  i checked in with myself (and still am checking in with myself). i already had a list of interests, life goals, priorities, values, morals.

  • but were those things (listed above) in alliance with my passion?
  • am i still passionate about the things i was passionate about 5 years ago, 2 years ago, last year, last month?
  • what am i passionate about now?
  • does my passion align with my purpose?
  • what is my purpose?

& so, as i reflected and thought and discussed with close friends, these are the answers i have come up with. after reading mine (or even before), I challenge you to answer those questions as well.


some of my interests are art, self care, mental wellness, culture, black entrepreneurship, holistic (natural) living (among others).
my life goals and priorities include helping, bringing light to the usage of art in the mental health world, being wealthy, to be well versed in travel and different cultures, to live a peaceful, successful, happy and freeing life. waking up in the morning and loving what i do.
i value and moralize justice, diplomacy, equality, love, transparency, hard work, tranquility, hope, faith ….

and thinking back, the things that i was passionate about at 19/20 have transferred over to the various stages in my life. these are still the things that evoke emotion out of me now.
i am still passionate about helping others and art and helping others through art.
if i am able to change the life -truly change the life of at least one person i would be forever happy.

and so do i believe that my purpose aligns with my passion?
100%

i believe my purpose is to help others recognize and see the art within themselves and connect to themselves on different levels. and use that newfound awareness of self to spread love and light and positivity.

i believe my purpose is to use all that i have gained in this realm to help and be of service to others (thanks for those words bee lol -described that perfectly).

i believe that the most high put me here with a gift of empathy and resilience and passion. passion is a gift , ya know? lol.  and i believe that these gifts were given to me, not without reason.

saturday. 9:17 a.m

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what does living a soft + strong life mean to you? look like to you?

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I’ve realized that I’m not ready to be consistent with my blogging again and I’ve become okay with that. Nevertheless, I saw this writing prompt (the title) on instagram from BlackGirlInOm and kind of felt compelled to write, which honestly hasn’t happened in a while. So, here it goes …

There’s a very popular quote that goes around. It says “Self care and self love is not selfish”. I disagree. It is, 100 percent. Living a soft + strong life (to me) is acknowledging that, standing firm in that and being okay with that.

It is knowing that before I pour into someone else’s glass, mine must be full. I must be full.

It is accepting (healthy + constructive) criticism and turning it so that it is able to positively impact me. At the same time, being able to weed out those who only mean me harm and being adamant about not having those people and/or things in my life, in my energy, penetrating my aura.

It is staying strong in my belief that my purpose is indeed powerful and necessary and was made just for me. And staying soft is giving myself the space to make mistakes, take in lessons, grow, change my mind, process and just be! It is the will and want to keep growing and getting better. Being a better and healthier (mentally, spiritually, physically -and of course financially) version of myself.

It is saying no and yes. When I want. Without feeling pressured into explaining myself or feeling guilty about choosing myself first. It is checking out to focus on myself when I see fit. But making sure that I stay in tuned with my loved ones. Being reliable and dependent but not a stool lifting everyone up while I am left depleted.

One of things I think about when I think about gaining strength through spiritual journeys is the task of being alone. Being alone allows me to really tap in to self; monitor my emotions, follow my intuition and dive into my creativeness. But, it is no easy feat. Hence, the strength part. Living a strong + soft life is taking time to be alone whilst remembering that it does not mean that I am lonely. It means, taking time to be with loved ones when I do start to feel that way. And most importantly, knowing that being alone and being with loved ones are both okay.

There are times when my strength waivers. When I’m feeling low, down and just out of it. Living a soft life is allowing myself to feel and journey through these places of self doubt and sadness. Living a strong life is making sure that I don’t wallow in this sadness. That I don’t settle there + make a home out of tears, ruffled hair and un-ironed t-shirts. Living a soft + strong life is realizing that there is both strength and softness in vulnerability. It is climbing out of that and remaining powerful and humble, loud in my self love and calm throughout my journey.

I’m gonna give another quote, but this one’s by me; “my light reigns supreme. my spirit reigns supreme.” Living this balanced life of strength and gentleness is standing firm in my belief that I am worthy. So much so, I got it tattooed. Permanent reminder, lol!

It is waking up every morning, blessed with another 24 hours and deciding that I am worthy, I matter and I am enough. And, while I may not be enough for anyone else .. I must be enough for/to myself before all.

And last, it is laughing. Like heartfelt cackling, tears falling from your eyes laughter. Surrounding myself with LOVE. Making sure that the energy I put into the world is that that I wish to receive. It is journaling and yoga and meditation and communication and tears and sorrow and dips, twists and turns and happiness and joy and working and walking towards to all of my dreams and goals.

 

things i’ve learned about self-care

  • it’s needed
  • it’s important
  • it’s essential to growth
  • it comes in different forms
  • it is different for each of us -as long as it’s positive
  • music makes me happy
    • especially bob marley and lauryn hill
  • journaling also makes me very happy
  • and so does sipping wine
  • self affirmations help increase your self esteem
  • self care is how you begin to fall in love with yourself
  • it is how you begin to build positive and uplifting relationships
  • self care is knowing that you are worthy of more than just the bare minimum and expecting nothing less than the best
  • self care is honesty to self
  • it’s putting your happiness first and foremost
  • but not forgetting about the people that you love
  • its spending quality time with yourself and not feeling lonely
  • self care is helping yourself
  • self care is waking up every morning and deciding that you have a purpose
  • self care = self love