- it’s needed
- it’s important
- it’s essential to growth
- it comes in different forms
- it is different for each of us -as long as it’s positive
- music makes me happy
- especially bob marley and lauryn hill
- journaling also makes me very happy
- and so does sipping wine
- self affirmations help increase your self esteem
- self care is how you begin to fall in love with yourself
- it is how you begin to build positive and uplifting relationships
- self care is knowing that you are worthy of more than just the bare minimum and expecting nothing less than the best
- self care is honesty to self
- it’s putting your happiness first and foremost
- but not forgetting about the people that you love
- its spending quality time with yourself and not feeling lonely
- self care is helping yourself
- self care is waking up every morning and deciding that you have a purpose
- self care = self love
I. Am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.
Everyday is a challenge.
A multitude of things has happened during my time away from my blogging safe haven. I am finishing up the final touches of redecorating my room. My heart was broken. I booked a vacation rental to Costa Rica for my 23rd birthday. My heart was broken again lol. I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I began to feel very uninspired. I re-found my voice. I wrote. A lot. I realigned my goals. My laptop broke – which ultimately stopped me from blogging to you all about all the things that I’ve been dealing with. I got a new laptop. I started to revisit the world of dating -yass honey! I started my natural body butters. I’ve been learning and experimenting with new jewelry designs and finding ways to better myself and my craft. I tried being vegan for a week. I realized that I can only be vegan for a week and the pescatarian lifestyle is for me lol. I also realized that my working environment isn’t one that makes me happy. Realized that a part of the reason that it is so hard to steadily be happy and journey on towards peace is because I am surrounded by more negative things, people and places than I thought. I realized that I need to separate myself from those things now more than ever for the sake of my mental health, clarity and continuous path to self love. Oh, I need a new job guys. This is FACTS. I’m actively looking. However, I also realized that my true goal is to work for myself. Aside from that, I also had to remind myself that even during my times of doubt and frustration that I am an extraordinary, exceptional, brilliant and beautiful human being. So for the time I was away ….. I laughed, I cried, I learned … and realized that I am a confused, beautiful but … seriously a confused mess and I need to get my life.
Yes, you read that long ass paragraph only for it to end with “I’m confused”. I am lost in translation. Swept up in thoughts of how to make myself a better person than I was yesterday and caught between making those around me happy, helping out where I can and perfecting my craft and writing and re-finding my voice and just wanting some plain old love and attention!
If the title has compelled you to read this then you’re probably waiting for the part where I give a list of proper advice about how to get ya life! Listen, this is one time where I am just as lost as you. No proper advice over here just the beginning phases of life getting that I went through, lol.
During my time away I learned that the best way to start is to identify the problem. The source of stress. Source of sadness, hindrance, confusion etc. For me, that was identifying that I felt stuck, stagnant and complacent.
Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about why I felt this way. I’ve been out of college for over a year now. I don’t have a job in my field. I gave up a year of my life to help out someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it. My business has been open for a year and I feel like it should be bigger than it is (while I do know these things take patience, time, hard work and dedication). A relationship that I thought was going to flourish in every sense of the word … failed. I couldn’t hold on to money. Felt like important people in my life weren’t matching the effort in which I give them (this still holds true but this is for another post lol). Oh man, and so much more.
I cried. Then I cried some more. I let out a rage of emotions.
Then I snapped out of it.
If you are a frequent reader of my blog, it won’t surprise you that I then made a list.
I made a list of goals. Then I prioritized them. Then I made a list of how to accomplish them. I made a list of my feelings. Then I made a list of how to work through each one.
I consoled myself. Because at 2 a.m when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and there’s no one you can call .. you’re all you have. And even when you feel like you deserve more than that or you don’t feel like that’s not enough … YOU HAVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU. No matter what.
I revisited yoga and different breathing practices. Because during this time, I stopped and I could feel the tension rising within me.
I prayed. I’m not religious in any sense of the word but I believe in a higher power and I find solace in talking to that being.
I woke up one morning and I decided that I could no longer let my feelings of complacency stop me from being motivated and taking charge of my life.
I woke up that same morning grateful that I have been given another chance to make things right & to be my best self.
I applied to jobs. I read a little. Put on a face mask. Laughed. Facetimed bae and told myself that the following days would be different.
I spoke my goals into existence and I have been doing it since that morning.
Then I smiled because the only place to go from here is up. There will be a few more bad patches along the way -I know. There will be more times, when I’m feeling less grateful and less blissful, more discouraged, more frustrated but I know that I will overcome it. As I stated before, I am an extraordinary, beautiful, intelligent, confused mess and I realized if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have it any other way.
& CHECK .. there you have it, in the midst of all things confusing, ya girl has begun to get her life.
I must be dragged through mud before I see my flower bloom.
I got this 👌🏾
So I’m starting this little thing, lol. I don’t know what to call it yet. But in light of all the negativity that has been surrounding us lately, I think it’s important to constantly surround ourselves with positive words, thoughts and people.
I was having a rough day, a few days ago. I had to gather myself and in doing so I told myself “I must be dragged through mud before I see my flower bloom.” I don’t know why those words came to me the way that they did. But they did. It came, formulated in my heart and mind at the perfect time. Then I realized, I got this. I am an amazing and powerful, authentically beautiful female. There will be more hardships to come but through those strenuous times, I will prevail. ❤
A few months before my 21st birthday I think I had an epiphany. I kind of fell … into myself. Let me explain.
I have always felt like the odd one out. Externally, I was happy and just like everyone else. Internally, I knew I was different. I pretended to enjoy the same things that everyone else did. I pretended that my beliefs were the same as theirs. I pretended that I cared about the same things. I knew I didn’t but externally it made me fit right in. So much so, that in high school it became me … or rather I became it. I became the girl that cared about drama. I became the girl that was hard on the exterior. I became the girl that didn’t take any shit. I became the beauty queen that everyone desired to be. The alpha female. Externally.
Internally, I was fighting. With myself. With what others would think of me. You see, when I was living in Boston .. although I pretended and I kind of fit, I never felt comfortable. It never felt like home. But when I moved back to New York, my pretending got me accepted. The boy I liked, liked me back. I mean he worshiped the ground I walked on. I made friends instantly .. and we clicked just the same. My home life wasn’t the best (I resented my family a lot because they continued their life in New York while I had to start over in another state … but that’s another story lol) but I was healthy and happy .. externally.
Internally, I still felt different. Awkward. Always trying to find the right thing to say. Although everyone thought I had it all figured out. So I went along with it. Up until the last day of high school. Good riddens, except for a few close friends I left high school and my pretend games behind. Or so I thought.
When I got to college, I was ecstatic. I felt like a new chapter had begun. Until one piece of high school followed me to college. She didn’t know me all too well, but we had the same group of friends .. and she felt safe, so we clung to each other. I could tell that she was playing a pretend game too, although we never spoke about it. Together along with some other friends we met, we became the cool freshmans. But we, us two stood out. For different reasons, and this story isn’t about her sooooo yea lol. I stood out for those same reason as I did in high school. I became one of the popular girls. In my group, I was considered the outspoken one, the one that people went to, the one that everyone wanted but couldn’t get, the one that couldn’t be figured out but had the answers, the plans. I was once again an alpha female.
I won’t lie. While in college, I did enjoy my pretend game. I felt on top of the world. And I had my group of best friends that I could turn to. To release the real me … at a bare minimum. Until a bare minimum with 5 or 6 girls wasn’t enough. I got tired of being sheltered. Sheltering myself and who I really was. I began to hate myself again. The fight and anger brewing inside of my yet again. External vs internal. Who I want to be vs Who I am. Ah.
The transition from sophomore year to junior year was the hardest and most fulfilling. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. Lol.
Sophomore year, I lost a good friend (yes, it was the girl from the previous paragraph). See, her game of pretending ended .. quite abruptly. Then she transferred schools. But, like I said this story isn’t about her lol. After losing her, I began to reevaluate things that were important to me. Over time, my views on things began to change. And I voiced them. I no longer stated what people wanted to hear. I stated what was from my heart .. as cheesy as that sounds. Buttttttttttt, something was still, I don’t know .. blocking me? Maybe it was me blocking me because I was so used to hiding the bitter parts of myself.
Well anyways, I continue to struggle internally and I think externally it began to show. I distanced myself from my loved ones, buried my head in books and work and went on a small hiatus. Then things went left. On my haitus, I fell off. I didn’t care about anything and fell into a spell of depression. And I mean things really did go LEFT. Everything that could go wrong .. was going wrong. Love life – wrong. Friendships – wrong. Work – I got fired so yea wrong. School – WRONG.
This is going to sound so cheesy and cliche and every word that is synonymous with cliche … but then I had a terrible hair mishap. Bare with me readers, lol. This hair mishap resulted in me having to cut my hair (something that I wanted to do for a while but was too afraid to do). Let. Me. Tell. You. I had never felt so free. The day I cut my hair was the day I got fired. I had cried on the way to my moms friends apartment but when I got there I was at ease. I guess I knew a change was coming lol. I told everyone that I got fired and they gasped. I remember giggling and although I felt terrible, saying “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason”. He told me to prepare myself and I sat in this little chair while he gathered his equipment. I vividly remember the buzzing sound as he turned the clippers on. I was scared as hell! And as he took this razor to my head, I began to shed so many fucking tears it was unbelievable. I just cried. It felt so good. Like years and years of fake, bullshit, sucky moments were being washed away. Oh my goodness. I remember when he was done, I let out this huge sigh, I wiped my eyes and he gave me a mirror. I was afraid to look, but everyone in the house was cheering me on and making me feel so pretty and awesome lol. I looked in the mirror, smiled and cried all over again because I truly did feel free in that very moment
That exact moment was when I think I had the epiphany.
The next week at school, listen honey… I slayed. It was the last week of junior year but I still felt on top of the world. I carried that same attitude through summer vacation and back again into my senior year. Oh man, senior year (once again, that’s another story lol).
The beginning of senior year was met with so much positive vibes and good energy. The start of my spiritual journey had begun. I said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Felt the way I wanted and without apologizes.
This time around, I was still outspoken but in the most genuine and authentic way. Like, I am cheesing as I write this. That is how amazing it felt. I was still a reliable source for people, I was still dependable, tactful, charming and beautiful and people saw that. I was still an alpha female, but in a more positive and luminescent way. As a matter of fact more people gravitated towards me and the energy that I gave off. Was I still guarded? Of course. It was just the beginning. But opening up myself to receive the energy of other amazing and positive people was something I had never felt before and it was invigorating. I was satisfied externally and internally for the first time in what felt like forever.
I remember a friend of mine, Brian pulled me aside and he said to me “I see a change in you from the girl you were when I first met you and the woman you are now. I love it. Keep getting better. I see you, Sky”. I wonder if he remembers that. Lol. That comment was one of the best compliments I had ever received in my life .. even to this day. It just let me know that all along, I could have been myself .. and been happy being myself and the right people would have gravitated towards me from the beginning.
But everything happens for a reason.
I know that.
As a matter of fact, I am grateful it didn’t happen from the beginning because I wouldn’t have learned to love myself the way I do now. I wouldn’t have grown. Every hardship that I have overcome has helped shape me into a better person.
Making this this blog, has been about continuing to open myself up, in hopes to inspire at least one person. Or to help at least one person. Or to let at least one person know that they are not alone … and it is okay to be weird lol. With that being said, I hope that you guys enjoyed this post – a little more intimate side of me and who I am. Like the title says, this was just the beginning so stay tuned for part two. ❤
There’s this thing women do … specifically black women. I hate it.
We live in a world where the black woman is constantly mistreated. We are unheard. Abused. Considered the low of the low. And when we speak out about the injustices that we face, we are deemed angry, aggressive, unruly and (my favorite) ghetto/ratchet .. when really we are just indignant and tired.
That’s why I hate it.
I HATE when women – women of color, my sisters talk down to and judge other sisters. It does something to me. Pisses me off on a whole other level.
I was tempted to talk about this at this particular moment for two reasons:
- Sometime last week, a young idiot on twitter decided to post this picture along with a caption that read “Ladies, line up in order from Chill to Petty”. To which he received many wonderful RT’s that included things like ” Line up in order from independent to child supportive” and “Line up in order from highest to lowest GPA” among others.
All I could think at that moment was ‘wow’. A black man sending out that tweet. I mean, it’s sad to say but sometimes it doesn’t seem that the black man is on our side. Then I had to change my point of view and I narrowed it down to age and ignorance because well he is young and clearly has much growing up to do.
So what does that have to do with us, black women?
Well, I took to FB and I was insanely close to calling out (some) black men for their lack of respect and for demeaning black woman for the exact thing that they praise white women for … until I saw a dark skinned woman repost the picture. Instead of firing rage at the young man that posted this disgusting picture and calling black woman to stand together, her comment was something along the lines of “All light skinned women think they’re better when really they are just submissive and uneducated because they don’t need to be. They get a pass because of their skin color and they don’t know the ‘real’ struggle of being a black woman”.
I was truly amazed. I was even more amazed as I saw the comments under the post.
I mean, dark skinned woman, light skinned, brown skinned, yellow, purple and blue … all these woman were angry with each other and I was insanely confused and entirely appalled.
- After seeing that post, I remembered a conversation I had with someone (let’s call her Erica). Erica, my younger brother and myself were having a conversation about my brothers ‘relationships’. My younger brother stated that he would never date a dark skinned woman, to which I looked at him and his dark skin, thought about his mother and her dark skin and asked if he was stupid before asking him why not. He stated that he just didn’t want anyone dark. As I tried to explain to his young, ignorant, 16 year old mind how ridiculous he sounded spewing self hate, Erica stated that she defended my brother. She continued on to say that her son could never bring someone that is “too dark” home and I had to look at her like she was insane.
The hate that we black woman share for one another is disgusting. (SOME) Light skin women denying their blackness and feeling as though they are better than others. (SOME) Dark skin women hating light skin women who are on their side and denying them the right to their blackness. And it’s more than just the fight between skin tones. Sometimes, I’ll see black women nit picking at anything that her sister does. “Natural vs Perms”, “Casual Dressing vs Mini Skirts”, “Hoes vs Wife Material”. I mean it’s repulsive. To hear my sisters, black women constantly belittle and judge each other. Especially when we have so much working against us.
It’s clear that I am a ‘high yellow’ light skin chick. I get that. I also get that because of colorism in our culture sometimes I am ‘favored’ more than my darker skin sisters. But, I try to change that. For this present, and the future. I try to empower all woman of color because at the end of the day my fight is your fight and your fight is mine. We all have different experiences being a black woman but that doesn’t mean anyone’s story is inferior to anyone elses. How can we expect to overcome the Donald Trumps in the world if we keep holding ourselves back. There’s this constant battle between who is better than who and all I keep wondering is why the hell can’t we all be great. Praise our strengths and where we come from, acknowledge our faults and learn from them while banding together to become stronger than any of our persecutors ever imagined.
We are bigger than the fight that was created for us. We are bigger than this systematic oppression they have laid in front of our faces. It was said over 300 years ago that the way to keep the black race down was to create a division within. That is was colorism is. Pinning us against one another. And in a time where we have white women preaching feminism that doesn’t account for us, in a time where non black women want to be black and steal our culture without knowing our struggles and giving us credit, in a time where a white mans only use for a black woman is to sexualize and fetishize us, in a time where many black men don’t appreciate us, I challenge you to uplift your sister and not help in holding her back.
We all have to do better. ❤
So, what I’m trying to say is … who gonna have our backs if we don’t have it?
It’s been exactly a week since I got back from my two week vacation. The second (and sadly) last stop on my trip was San Juan, Puerto Rico. Let me just start by saying that Puerto Rico was BEAUTIFUL.
Anyways, my friends and I headed out Thursday afternoon (a day before Frenchies birthday). The ride was long but smooth and being that airplanes aren’t my favorite thing in the world, I was very grateful for that.
We got to PR later that night and thankfully we didn’t waste much time because the hotel/apartment complex that we were staying in was less than 10 minutes away from the airport.
Sidebar| We rented an apartment at the ESJ Towers. It was nice. Microwave, stove, fridge, beautiful bathroom and a balcony .. however for the 5 of us it was a bit small in my opinion. However, I did appreciate the location of ESJ Towers. It was in the middle of everything, we had a mini mart, a supermarket, rental car service, taxis and tons of places to get food surrounding us.
Being that we arrived in the evening, we went straight to getting ready to go out for Frenchies birthday. She decided on going to Club Brava which is supposedly a main tourist attraction in the San Juan area.
I’ll be honest though, Club Brava wasn’t my favorite. Being that it was my first time in Puerto Rico, I really would have liked to hear more Salsa, Reggaeton, Bachata, etc. but instead we heard EDM, EDM and more EDM. On top of that, I’m all down for drunk people, having a good time but when 80% of the party are belligerent .. it’s kind of annoying.
I knew it was a tourist attraction but online reviews of this club stated that many locals frequented this club as well … although it didn’t seem like it, AT ALL. To top things off, one of my friends and I had drinks spilled on us .. so you know we were OVER IT, lol.
The next day we headed to a Snorkeling and Picnic event in Fajardo. The birthday girl decided not to come and treat herself to a Spa Day and some alone time while the rest of us decided to rent a car and have a mini road trip.
I had never been snorkeling before so being in the middle of the ocean, looking for fish is not something I was excited about. On top of that the weather wasn’t the best with the on/off again rain but turns out that I had an amazing time and it truly was an amazing experience. Everyone made us feel comfortable, the food was good and there was lots of laughs. Oh! and unlimited Rum Punch, you can’t go wrong with that .. can you?
That night while Bianca and Justine opted to stay in, Zoe, French and I went to La Placita. It was a little neighborhood filled with clubs, bars, stores, people having a good time and tons of nightlife. I definitely enjoyed the club scene more in La Placita than I did at Club Brava. Especially because I heard a variety of music – mission complete! Lol.
Then it happened. I got sick. Too sick to get out of bed. Yupp, that sick.
So the next day, I was bed ridden while my friends enjoyed Old San Juan and I was jealous.
The following day, I was ecstatic when my friends told me that they enjoyed Old San Juan so much that they had to go back <3. Seems like the day that I was sick, my friends just bar hopped and met some locals which was okay with me because that meant I got to be there when we really explored Old San Juan (yasssss) !
We visited Plaza de Armas de San Cristobal and basically got a mini history lesson involving the ancient beauty of Puerto Rico. I don’t know about my friends or maybe I’m a special kind of nerd (lol) but I really did enjoy learning about the historical past of PR. Especially learning about their involved with the Panama Canal and the rest of the Caribbean. Good stuff!
Oh, and of course we took 86946840 pictures. Lol
Following that, I finally got (what felt like) a real taste of Puerto Rican food from a little restaurant and bar called Palmas. Yes! Walking through that alley (which we had to go through to get to the restaurant) filled with people laughing and dancing and just enjoying themselves .. I loved it! I wanted to dance Salsa with abuelo. Lol, I need to become more courageous!
It felt like we were REALLY in Puerto Rico at that very moment. Definitely a trip highlight. Then my friends decided that they wanted to go back to the bar from the previous night aka my sick night (lol) and I was down for the adventure. It was definitely good vibes there too. The name of that bar was Blessed Cafe and it was a Jamaican owned bar .. so you know I was excited, especially when I got there and saw pictures of Bob Marley everywhere!
That entire night was good vibes. We laughed, joked around, drank and hung out with the locals that my friends met the night before. We even took a trip into the ‘ghetto’ and of course I have no pictures of that lol – not when we were warned not to take our phones out >_<.
That day/night was my favorite.
The last day was pretty chilled. We spent the day joking around and listening to music by the pool we had just discovered. Yea, we stayed there for days without knowing they had a pool, lol. But it was well worth the wait, because I did enjoy the simplicity of that day.
Then before we knew it …. the day turned to night and back to day .. specifically 5:30 am and we had to get up and head back to New York lol.
And just like that our time on the beautiful island was over .. and when we got back to New York it was 60 degrees and raining. Fun right?
Nevertheless, Puerto Rico was breathtaking … literally a breath of fresh air and I can’t wait to visit again!
P.S I kind of vlogged my entire vacation .. it’s just a matter of editing it, which won’t happen until I get my new computer but when that happens I can’t wait to share my footage with all of you ❤
Some days we wake up and we know that “TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY”! We get out of bed energized, full of hope and ready to take on the world.
Then there are those days. You know, the days that you wake up, look outside your window and wonder “Why the HELL is the sun shining so bright?” and you know that “today is going to suck”.
It is during those days .. those disastrous days that you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, when all you want to do is sleep and watch Law & Order re-runs that I want you to read this post.
Why? Because I know how hard it is to be positive. I know how difficult it can be to remain in a good place when all you want to do is run – run a way from all of your problems. I know how hard it is to recognize all the good things in your life when it seems like there are 10 bad things for 1 good thing.
That’s why I offer this to you. 4 positive things to tell yourself when your day … just sucks. But please, feel free to tell your self these one your good days too ❤
I am choosing to make today count.
Many times, our day goes just as we have predicted it. If we wake up with an “it’s going to be a terrible day” attitude .. then chances are it will be a terrible day.
But try this: On those days that you just aren’t feeling it .. before the negative thoughts flood your head, just stop. Breathe. Tell yourself that ‘today, will be a good one and that I am choosing to make today count’. And don’t just say it. Think it. Believe it. Make it count.
In doing that you have already cancelled out starting your day on a negative note. Congratulations. ❤
I cannot change yesterday, I cannot worry about the future -but I can focus on today.
Sometimes we wake up with the burden of yesterdays problems fresh on our mind. That tends to hinder our plans for the new day. Instead of getting up and trying to make the most of the day, we lay in bed and think about all the things that we didn’t, couldn’t or shouldn’t have done yesterday.
Just the same, we tend to worry about the problems of tomorrow, next week and next year. We let our thoughts for the future cloud our perception of the present. Not saying that wondering about the future is wrong but sometimes we do so in excessive and we forget to focus on the right now.
And right now, you need to make today count. (Lol See what I did there?)
No one can stand in my way -except me.
Mhm, how can I explain this?
We have the tendency to look at other people and other things as something (or someone) that is blocking the path to our goal or destination. Get me?
And sometimes because of how we perceive things, instead of trying to overcome the obstacle and head for our goal with full force and a heart full of hope .. we would rather just quit … and stay in bed and binge watch Law & Order or Grey’s Anatomy. I know I am guilty of this.
But think about this: In you quitting, in you giving up .. who has become the person standing in the way of your goal?
I am alive.
Lately, when people ask me things like “How have you been?” or “How are you today?”, my response has been “I can’t complain, I’m alive” and then I smile. Even on ‘those days’.
Because it’s true.
No matter what or who you believe in (if anything at all), it’s always a good day when you wake up.
It’s just that simple.
So, focus on today, make it count and don’t stand in your own way because you’re alive ..
and today will be a good day.
Love is a feeling – truth. You can experience love by simply loving yourself – truth. You can also experience love by loving someone else – truth. Some people feel unfulfilled unless they find love from a significant other or family member or friend – truth.
However, the truth is also that we don’t need the love of another to experience true love but many fail to realize that.
I mean at one point, I failed to realize that. For the most part, my friends and I have what many would call “daddy issues”. We would talk about how our fathers continuously disappointed us and weren’t really there for us growing up as we would have liked. Although none of us ever said it, the feeling that penetrated the room as we spoke of our fathers was heavy. We were sad, hurt and feeling unworthy of love. And that’s just an example, it could be with any family member or loved one.
I can even recall so many instances that my friends and I would sit in a circle discussing the traits that we would want in a significant other and wondering WHEN that person was going to just walk right into our path. We would discuss the many ways that we would show our love and talk about how different this one would be from the last. Then, we would be so hard on ourselves if a ‘situationship’ didn’t work out and really self doubt our love for ourselves and contemplate what traits we needed to fix in order to hold the attention of a potential.
We often wondered why ___ didn’t love us or ____ wasn’t attracted to us or what it was that we did wrong. When in reality the only trait we needed to fix was that we weren’t falling in love with ourselves first, but trying to find love outside of ourselves.
I am firm believer that you can not help anyone, can not love anyone (truly love), can not inspire anyone etc until you do these things for yourself (or at least try).
As I am on this journey to self love and happiness and tranquility and all things positive, I have had setbacks with love – especially the love I have for myself. So I concocted a list of ways to begin the process of falling in love with yourself. Now keep in mind that I am a work in progress and these have been working for me – but we all are different. I suggest you all give this list a try and add on anything (positive) that will work for you.
1. Live In Your Truth
For a LONG time I was afraid of being me. In turn I couldn’t fully grasp the idea of loving myself because I was being a superficial version of myself. I tried to be the person I thought my family wanted, the person that my ‘friends’ would want to be a around and the person that I thought was deserving of a partner.
Then I realized that I am a fierce, beautiful, self proclaimed weird girl, hippie chick, pro-melanin, flower child, Rasta enthusiast, artist, culture lover, natural haired, light skinned, brown eyes, spiritual being, (and much more) woman. That is my truth and I decided to live in it. And if the people in my life don’t accept that or want that or understand that truth .. that’s their problem, not mine.
Now your truth doesn’t have to be ANYTHING like mine. You just have to accept it and take pride in it -whatever it is and you are already going down the right path.
2. Don’t Lose Yourself For Someone Else
Now I’m not saying compromise isn’t necessary with ANYONE that you love (partner, family, friends), because it is – but when you start to compromise your self love and things that you truly believe in, maybe it’s time to take a step back and really look at the situation you are in. Don’t lose yourself trying to love someone else.
3. Write As Many Lists As Needed
Now this may just be my thing .. but writing lists makes me feel like I have my life sorted out – or like I’m getting there.
I love writing lists about every and anything. As you guys can see I wrote a list about 51 things that make me happy. Just the same, I wrote a list about things that make me sad in hopes of changing those things or eliminating those things from my life.
I wrote a list about places that I would love to travel to. A list about things that I need to change in my physical and spiritual life. Then I jot down ways to accomplish these things. And as I do, I feel empowered, one with my emotions, I have a sense of self and I feel like I’m taking steps to fully fall in love with myself.
4. Take The Time To Be Alone … And Enjoy It
This may be what I struggle with most. Sometimes, I’m alone and I’m fine. Sometimes, I’m alone and I feel lonely and I HATE it.I’m trying to cut that out.
I think that whenever we are alone, we need to appreciate that. Enjoy that time to just be. Write. Think (not too much lol). Read. Blog. Youtube. Watch Tv. Do Yoga. Exercise. Write a list lol. Do anything – just appreciate that time.
Also take yourself on a date. Don’t worry, I’m working up the courage to take myself out, too.
5. Find What Inspires You
Find the key, your muse, your inspiration and let that help to lift you up.
Love. Positivity. Seeing my end goal of happiness and self love and success in the horizon. Sometimes, I breathe, relax, cry a little and believe in and feel my goals and dreams coming to life. It is in that moment that I feel ultimate peace.
6. Spend Time With People Who Bring Light Into Your Life
Sometimes being alone is good. Sometimes being around loved ones is better. Spend time with people who TRULY get you and bring happiness, calmness, liveliness and just beautiful luminescent light into your life.
7. Understand Your Worth
You are worth the love you give to yourself. You are worth living in your truth. You are worth writing down as many lists as you need. You are worth having your alone time. You are worth feeling inspired. You are worth being around loved ones. You are worth EVERYTHING that YOU BELIEVE you are worth.
So start believing that you are worth it.
Stop accepting positive things into your life by saying “it’s just luck” or “omg I can’t believe that happened to me”. Believe it, it’s more than luck because YOU ARE WORTH IT. We all are.
8. Look In The Mirror … Talk To Yourself
Now it might sound crazy …. but it’s not. Sometimes when I’m feeling down and nothing else is working, I walk over to my mirror. I stare at myself .. for a while, most of the times tears streaming down my face and I give myself a pep talk.
If I have to yell at myself, then I do.”Get it together! You are better than this.”
If I need to some positive words, then I give them. “You got this.”
If I need to remind myself not to get so worked up, I remind. “Relax, breathe.”
If I need a hug, I wrap my arms around my waist and I give it.
I look into that mirror and I give myself whatever I need because when everything else is gone, when everyone else returns to their own life … all you have is you.
And that has got to be enough. The love you have for yourself .. it has to be enough.
So love yourself first.