- it’s needed
- it’s important
- it’s essential to growth
- it comes in different forms
- it is different for each of us -as long as it’s positive
- music makes me happy
- especially bob marley and lauryn hill
- journaling also makes me very happy
- and so does sipping wine
- self affirmations help increase your self esteem
- self care is how you begin to fall in love with yourself
- it is how you begin to build positive and uplifting relationships
- self care is knowing that you are worthy of more than just the bare minimum and expecting nothing less than the best
- self care is honesty to self
- it’s putting your happiness first and foremost
- but not forgetting about the people that you love
- its spending quality time with yourself and not feeling lonely
- self care is helping yourself
- self care is waking up every morning and deciding that you have a purpose
- self care = self love
I’m been away from my blogging safe haven for a while and during that time I had a breakdown, an epiphany, felt lost and confused .. and ultimately got back up and began to re-find myself.
I. Am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.
Everyday is a challenge.
A multitude of things has happened during my time away from my blogging safe haven. I am finishing up the final touches of redecorating my room. My heart was broken. I booked a vacation rental to Costa Rica for my 23rd birthday. My heart was broken again lol. I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I began to feel very uninspired. I re-found my voice. I wrote. A lot. I realigned my goals. My laptop broke – which ultimately stopped me from blogging to you all about all the things that I’ve been dealing with. I got a new laptop. I started to revisit the world of dating -yass honey! I started my natural body butters. I’ve been learning and experimenting with new jewelry designs and finding ways to better myself and my craft. I tried being vegan for a week. I realized that I can only be vegan for a week and the pescatarian lifestyle is for me lol. I also realized that my working environment isn’t one that makes me happy. Realized that a part of the reason that it is so hard to steadily be happy and journey on towards peace is because I am surrounded by more negative things, people and places than I thought. I realized that I need to separate myself from those things now more than ever for the sake of my mental health, clarity and continuous path to self love. Oh, I need a new job guys. This is FACTS. I’m actively looking. However, I also realized that my true goal is to work for myself. Aside from that, I also had to remind myself that even during my times of doubt and frustration that I am an extraordinary, exceptional, brilliant and beautiful human being. So for the time I was away ….. I laughed, I cried, I learned … and realized that I am a confused, beautiful but … seriously a confused mess and I need to get my life.
Yes, you read that long ass paragraph only for it to end with “I’m confused”. I am lost in translation. Swept up in thoughts of how to make myself a better person than I was yesterday and caught between making those around me happy, helping out where I can and perfecting my craft and writing and re-finding my voice and just wanting some plain old love and attention!
If the title has compelled you to read this then you’re probably waiting for the part where I give a list of proper advice about how to get ya life! Listen, this is one time where I am just as lost as you. No proper advice over here just the beginning phases of life getting that I went through, lol.
During my time away I learned that the best way to start is to identify the problem. The source of stress. Source of sadness, hindrance, confusion etc. For me, that was identifying that I felt stuck, stagnant and complacent.
Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about why I felt this way. I’ve been out of college for over a year now. I don’t have a job in my field. I gave up a year of my life to help out someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it. My business has been open for a year and I feel like it should be bigger than it is (while I do know these things take patience, time, hard work and dedication). A relationship that I thought was going to flourish in every sense of the word … failed. I couldn’t hold on to money. Felt like important people in my life weren’t matching the effort in which I give them (this still holds true but this is for another post lol). Oh man, and so much more.
I cried. Then I cried some more. I let out a rage of emotions.
Then I snapped out of it.
If you are a frequent reader of my blog, it won’t surprise you that I then made a list.
I made a list of goals. Then I prioritized them. Then I made a list of how to accomplish them. I made a list of my feelings. Then I made a list of how to work through each one.
I consoled myself. Because at 2 a.m when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and there’s no one you can call .. you’re all you have. And even when you feel like you deserve more than that or you don’t feel like that’s not enough … YOU HAVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU. No matter what.
I revisited yoga and different breathing practices. Because during this time, I stopped and I could feel the tension rising within me.
I prayed. I’m not religious in any sense of the word but I believe in a higher power and I find solace in talking to that being.
I woke up one morning and I decided that I could no longer let my feelings of complacency stop me from being motivated and taking charge of my life.
I woke up that same morning grateful that I have been given another chance to make things right & to be my best self.
I applied to jobs. I read a little. Put on a face mask. Laughed. Facetimed bae and told myself that the following days would be different.
I spoke my goals into existence and I have been doing it since that morning.
Then I smiled because the only place to go from here is up. There will be a few more bad patches along the way -I know. There will be more times, when I’m feeling less grateful and less blissful, more discouraged, more frustrated but I know that I will overcome it. As I stated before, I am an extraordinary, beautiful, intelligent, confused mess and I realized if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have it any other way.
& CHECK .. there you have it, in the midst of all things confusing, ya girl has begun to get her life.
A few months before my 21st birthday I think I had an epiphany. I kind of fell … into myself. Let me explain.
I have always felt like the odd one out. Externally, I was happy and just like everyone else. Internally, I knew I was different. I pretended to enjoy the same things that everyone else did. I pretended that my beliefs were the same as theirs. I pretended that I cared about the same things. I knew I didn’t but externally it made me fit right in. So much so, that in high school it became me … or rather I became it. I became the girl that cared about drama. I became the girl that was hard on the exterior. I became the girl that didn’t take any shit. I became the beauty queen that everyone desired to be. The alpha female. Externally.
Internally, I was fighting. With myself. With what others would think of me. You see, when I was living in Boston .. although I pretended and I kind of fit, I never felt comfortable. It never felt like home. But when I moved back to New York, my pretending got me accepted. The boy I liked, liked me back. I mean he worshiped the ground I walked on. I made friends instantly .. and we clicked just the same. My home life wasn’t the best (I resented my family a lot because they continued their life in New York while I had to start over in another state … but that’s another story lol) but I was healthy and happy .. externally.
Internally, I still felt different. Awkward. Always trying to find the right thing to say. Although everyone thought I had it all figured out. So I went along with it. Up until the last day of high school. Good riddens, except for a few close friends I left high school and my pretend games behind. Or so I thought.
When I got to college, I was ecstatic. I felt like a new chapter had begun. Until one piece of high school followed me to college. She didn’t know me all too well, but we had the same group of friends .. and she felt safe, so we clung to each other. I could tell that she was playing a pretend game too, although we never spoke about it. Together along with some other friends we met, we became the cool freshmans. But we, us two stood out. For different reasons, and this story isn’t about her sooooo yea lol. I stood out for those same reason as I did in high school. I became one of the popular girls. In my group, I was considered the outspoken one, the one that people went to, the one that everyone wanted but couldn’t get, the one that couldn’t be figured out but had the answers, the plans. I was once again an alpha female.
I won’t lie. While in college, I did enjoy my pretend game. I felt on top of the world. And I had my group of best friends that I could turn to. To release the real me … at a bare minimum. Until a bare minimum with 5 or 6 girls wasn’t enough. I got tired of being sheltered. Sheltering myself and who I really was. I began to hate myself again. The fight and anger brewing inside of my yet again. External vs internal. Who I want to be vs Who I am. Ah.
The transition from sophomore year to junior year was the hardest and most fulfilling. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. Lol.
Sophomore year, I lost a good friend (yes, it was the girl from the previous paragraph). See, her game of pretending ended .. quite abruptly. Then she transferred schools. But, like I said this story isn’t about her lol. After losing her, I began to reevaluate things that were important to me. Over time, my views on things began to change. And I voiced them. I no longer stated what people wanted to hear. I stated what was from my heart .. as cheesy as that sounds. Buttttttttttt, something was still, I don’t know .. blocking me? Maybe it was me blocking me because I was so used to hiding the bitter parts of myself.
Well anyways, I continue to struggle internally and I think externally it began to show. I distanced myself from my loved ones, buried my head in books and work and went on a small hiatus. Then things went left. On my haitus, I fell off. I didn’t care about anything and fell into a spell of depression. And I mean things really did go LEFT. Everything that could go wrong .. was going wrong. Love life – wrong. Friendships – wrong. Work – I got fired so yea wrong. School – WRONG.
This is going to sound so cheesy and cliche and every word that is synonymous with cliche … but then I had a terrible hair mishap. Bare with me readers, lol. This hair mishap resulted in me having to cut my hair (something that I wanted to do for a while but was too afraid to do). Let. Me. Tell. You. I had never felt so free. The day I cut my hair was the day I got fired. I had cried on the way to my moms friends apartment but when I got there I was at ease. I guess I knew a change was coming lol. I told everyone that I got fired and they gasped. I remember giggling and although I felt terrible, saying “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason”. He told me to prepare myself and I sat in this little chair while he gathered his equipment. I vividly remember the buzzing sound as he turned the clippers on. I was scared as hell! And as he took this razor to my head, I began to shed so many fucking tears it was unbelievable. I just cried. It felt so good. Like years and years of fake, bullshit, sucky moments were being washed away. Oh my goodness. I remember when he was done, I let out this huge sigh, I wiped my eyes and he gave me a mirror. I was afraid to look, but everyone in the house was cheering me on and making me feel so pretty and awesome lol. I looked in the mirror, smiled and cried all over again because I truly did feel free in that very moment
That exact moment was when I think I had the epiphany.
The next week at school, listen honey… I slayed. It was the last week of junior year but I still felt on top of the world. I carried that same attitude through summer vacation and back again into my senior year. Oh man, senior year (once again, that’s another story lol).
The beginning of senior year was met with so much positive vibes and good energy. The start of my spiritual journey had begun. I said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Felt the way I wanted and without apologizes.
This time around, I was still outspoken but in the most genuine and authentic way. Like, I am cheesing as I write this. That is how amazing it felt. I was still a reliable source for people, I was still dependable, tactful, charming and beautiful and people saw that. I was still an alpha female, but in a more positive and luminescent way. As a matter of fact more people gravitated towards me and the energy that I gave off. Was I still guarded? Of course. It was just the beginning. But opening up myself to receive the energy of other amazing and positive people was something I had never felt before and it was invigorating. I was satisfied externally and internally for the first time in what felt like forever.
I remember a friend of mine, Brian pulled me aside and he said to me “I see a change in you from the girl you were when I first met you and the woman you are now. I love it. Keep getting better. I see you, Sky”. I wonder if he remembers that. Lol. That comment was one of the best compliments I had ever received in my life .. even to this day. It just let me know that all along, I could have been myself .. and been happy being myself and the right people would have gravitated towards me from the beginning.
But everything happens for a reason.
I know that.
As a matter of fact, I am grateful it didn’t happen from the beginning because I wouldn’t have learned to love myself the way I do now. I wouldn’t have grown. Every hardship that I have overcome has helped shape me into a better person.
Making this this blog, has been about continuing to open myself up, in hopes to inspire at least one person. Or to help at least one person. Or to let at least one person know that they are not alone … and it is okay to be weird lol. With that being said, I hope that you guys enjoyed this post – a little more intimate side of me and who I am. Like the title says, this was just the beginning so stay tuned for part two. ❤
Love is a feeling – truth. You can experience love by simply loving yourself – truth. You can also experience love by loving someone else – truth. Some people feel unfulfilled unless they find love from a significant other or family member or friend – truth.
However, the truth is also that we don’t need the love of another to experience true love but many fail to realize that.
I mean at one point, I failed to realize that. For the most part, my friends and I have what many would call “daddy issues”. We would talk about how our fathers continuously disappointed us and weren’t really there for us growing up as we would have liked. Although none of us ever said it, the feeling that penetrated the room as we spoke of our fathers was heavy. We were sad, hurt and feeling unworthy of love. And that’s just an example, it could be with any family member or loved one.
I can even recall so many instances that my friends and I would sit in a circle discussing the traits that we would want in a significant other and wondering WHEN that person was going to just walk right into our path. We would discuss the many ways that we would show our love and talk about how different this one would be from the last. Then, we would be so hard on ourselves if a ‘situationship’ didn’t work out and really self doubt our love for ourselves and contemplate what traits we needed to fix in order to hold the attention of a potential.
We often wondered why ___ didn’t love us or ____ wasn’t attracted to us or what it was that we did wrong. When in reality the only trait we needed to fix was that we weren’t falling in love with ourselves first, but trying to find love outside of ourselves.
I am firm believer that you can not help anyone, can not love anyone (truly love), can not inspire anyone etc until you do these things for yourself (or at least try).
As I am on this journey to self love and happiness and tranquility and all things positive, I have had setbacks with love – especially the love I have for myself. So I concocted a list of ways to begin the process of falling in love with yourself. Now keep in mind that I am a work in progress and these have been working for me – but we all are different. I suggest you all give this list a try and add on anything (positive) that will work for you.
1. Live In Your Truth
For a LONG time I was afraid of being me. In turn I couldn’t fully grasp the idea of loving myself because I was being a superficial version of myself. I tried to be the person I thought my family wanted, the person that my ‘friends’ would want to be a around and the person that I thought was deserving of a partner.
Then I realized that I am a fierce, beautiful, self proclaimed weird girl, hippie chick, pro-melanin, flower child, Rasta enthusiast, artist, culture lover, natural haired, light skinned, brown eyes, spiritual being, (and much more) woman. That is my truth and I decided to live in it. And if the people in my life don’t accept that or want that or understand that truth .. that’s their problem, not mine.
Now your truth doesn’t have to be ANYTHING like mine. You just have to accept it and take pride in it -whatever it is and you are already going down the right path.
2. Don’t Lose Yourself For Someone Else
Now I’m not saying compromise isn’t necessary with ANYONE that you love (partner, family, friends), because it is – but when you start to compromise your self love and things that you truly believe in, maybe it’s time to take a step back and really look at the situation you are in. Don’t lose yourself trying to love someone else.
3. Write As Many Lists As Needed
Now this may just be my thing .. but writing lists makes me feel like I have my life sorted out – or like I’m getting there.
I love writing lists about every and anything. As you guys can see I wrote a list about 51 things that make me happy. Just the same, I wrote a list about things that make me sad in hopes of changing those things or eliminating those things from my life.
I wrote a list about places that I would love to travel to. A list about things that I need to change in my physical and spiritual life. Then I jot down ways to accomplish these things. And as I do, I feel empowered, one with my emotions, I have a sense of self and I feel like I’m taking steps to fully fall in love with myself.
4. Take The Time To Be Alone … And Enjoy It
This may be what I struggle with most. Sometimes, I’m alone and I’m fine. Sometimes, I’m alone and I feel lonely and I HATE it.I’m trying to cut that out.
I think that whenever we are alone, we need to appreciate that. Enjoy that time to just be. Write. Think (not too much lol). Read. Blog. Youtube. Watch Tv. Do Yoga. Exercise. Write a list lol. Do anything – just appreciate that time.
Also take yourself on a date. Don’t worry, I’m working up the courage to take myself out, too.
5. Find What Inspires You
Find the key, your muse, your inspiration and let that help to lift you up.
Love. Positivity. Seeing my end goal of happiness and self love and success in the horizon. Sometimes, I breathe, relax, cry a little and believe in and feel my goals and dreams coming to life. It is in that moment that I feel ultimate peace.
6. Spend Time With People Who Bring Light Into Your Life
Sometimes being alone is good. Sometimes being around loved ones is better. Spend time with people who TRULY get you and bring happiness, calmness, liveliness and just beautiful luminescent light into your life.
7. Understand Your Worth
You are worth the love you give to yourself. You are worth living in your truth. You are worth writing down as many lists as you need. You are worth having your alone time. You are worth feeling inspired. You are worth being around loved ones. You are worth EVERYTHING that YOU BELIEVE you are worth.
So start believing that you are worth it.
Stop accepting positive things into your life by saying “it’s just luck” or “omg I can’t believe that happened to me”. Believe it, it’s more than luck because YOU ARE WORTH IT. We all are.
8. Look In The Mirror … Talk To Yourself
Now it might sound crazy …. but it’s not. Sometimes when I’m feeling down and nothing else is working, I walk over to my mirror. I stare at myself .. for a while, most of the times tears streaming down my face and I give myself a pep talk.
If I have to yell at myself, then I do.”Get it together! You are better than this.”
If I need to some positive words, then I give them. “You got this.”
If I need to remind myself not to get so worked up, I remind. “Relax, breathe.”
If I need a hug, I wrap my arms around my waist and I give it.
I look into that mirror and I give myself whatever I need because when everything else is gone, when everyone else returns to their own life … all you have is you.
And that has got to be enough. The love you have for yourself .. it has to be enough.
So love yourself first.
I found this picture and automatically related to it. As I’ve stated previously, for a long time the real me was hiding behind a superficial personality. I wanted to be cool, ‘down’ and I wanted people to like me and be able to relate to others, but I was still afraid to show the world ME (lol). So I wrapped myself up in friends that didn’t care for me, in a attitude that shielded my wounds and a life that wasn’t my own.
But then I made a conscious decision to drop the act. Why? Well, because I was unhappy. I realized that people are either going to love me or hate me and if that’s the case they’re going to have to love or hate the real me & honestly .. it wasn’t getting me anywhere. I didn’t feel like I fit in, sometimes things that I wanted to say never left my mouth because I didn’t want anyone to think I sounded stupid, I acted in ways that weren’t me and it just didn’t feel right.
As soon as I let my corky, weird and fun personality shine through … I got exactly what I didn’t know I needed – acceptance from the right people, negativity straying away from my existence, the courage to do things that my fear previously held me back from doing (and so much more lol i can go on for days), but most importantly it helped me gain my happiness and freedom- and I couldn’t feel any more blessed than I do right now.