- it’s needed
- it’s important
- it’s essential to growth
- it comes in different forms
- it is different for each of us -as long as it’s positive
- music makes me happy
- especially bob marley and lauryn hill
- journaling also makes me very happy
- and so does sipping wine
- self affirmations help increase your self esteem
- self care is how you begin to fall in love with yourself
- it is how you begin to build positive and uplifting relationships
- self care is knowing that you are worthy of more than just the bare minimum and expecting nothing less than the best
- self care is honesty to self
- it’s putting your happiness first and foremost
- but not forgetting about the people that you love
- its spending quality time with yourself and not feeling lonely
- self care is helping yourself
- self care is waking up every morning and deciding that you have a purpose
- self care = self love
I. Am. Still. Trying. To. Figure. It. Out.
Everyday is a challenge.
A multitude of things has happened during my time away from my blogging safe haven. I am finishing up the final touches of redecorating my room. My heart was broken. I booked a vacation rental to Costa Rica for my 23rd birthday. My heart was broken again lol. I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I began to feel very uninspired. I re-found my voice. I wrote. A lot. I realigned my goals. My laptop broke – which ultimately stopped me from blogging to you all about all the things that I’ve been dealing with. I got a new laptop. I started to revisit the world of dating -yass honey! I started my natural body butters. I’ve been learning and experimenting with new jewelry designs and finding ways to better myself and my craft. I tried being vegan for a week. I realized that I can only be vegan for a week and the pescatarian lifestyle is for me lol. I also realized that my working environment isn’t one that makes me happy. Realized that a part of the reason that it is so hard to steadily be happy and journey on towards peace is because I am surrounded by more negative things, people and places than I thought. I realized that I need to separate myself from those things now more than ever for the sake of my mental health, clarity and continuous path to self love. Oh, I need a new job guys. This is FACTS. I’m actively looking. However, I also realized that my true goal is to work for myself. Aside from that, I also had to remind myself that even during my times of doubt and frustration that I am an extraordinary, exceptional, brilliant and beautiful human being. So for the time I was away ….. I laughed, I cried, I learned … and realized that I am a confused, beautiful but … seriously a confused mess and I need to get my life.
Yes, you read that long ass paragraph only for it to end with “I’m confused”. I am lost in translation. Swept up in thoughts of how to make myself a better person than I was yesterday and caught between making those around me happy, helping out where I can and perfecting my craft and writing and re-finding my voice and just wanting some plain old love and attention!
If the title has compelled you to read this then you’re probably waiting for the part where I give a list of proper advice about how to get ya life! Listen, this is one time where I am just as lost as you. No proper advice over here just the beginning phases of life getting that I went through, lol.
During my time away I learned that the best way to start is to identify the problem. The source of stress. Source of sadness, hindrance, confusion etc. For me, that was identifying that I felt stuck, stagnant and complacent.
Then I stopped in my tracks and thought about why I felt this way. I’ve been out of college for over a year now. I don’t have a job in my field. I gave up a year of my life to help out someone who doesn’t seem to appreciate it. My business has been open for a year and I feel like it should be bigger than it is (while I do know these things take patience, time, hard work and dedication). A relationship that I thought was going to flourish in every sense of the word … failed. I couldn’t hold on to money. Felt like important people in my life weren’t matching the effort in which I give them (this still holds true but this is for another post lol). Oh man, and so much more.
I cried. Then I cried some more. I let out a rage of emotions.
Then I snapped out of it.
If you are a frequent reader of my blog, it won’t surprise you that I then made a list.
I made a list of goals. Then I prioritized them. Then I made a list of how to accomplish them. I made a list of my feelings. Then I made a list of how to work through each one.
I consoled myself. Because at 2 a.m when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and there’s no one you can call .. you’re all you have. And even when you feel like you deserve more than that or you don’t feel like that’s not enough … YOU HAVE TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU. No matter what.
I revisited yoga and different breathing practices. Because during this time, I stopped and I could feel the tension rising within me.
I prayed. I’m not religious in any sense of the word but I believe in a higher power and I find solace in talking to that being.
I woke up one morning and I decided that I could no longer let my feelings of complacency stop me from being motivated and taking charge of my life.
I woke up that same morning grateful that I have been given another chance to make things right & to be my best self.
I applied to jobs. I read a little. Put on a face mask. Laughed. Facetimed bae and told myself that the following days would be different.
I spoke my goals into existence and I have been doing it since that morning.
Then I smiled because the only place to go from here is up. There will be a few more bad patches along the way -I know. There will be more times, when I’m feeling less grateful and less blissful, more discouraged, more frustrated but I know that I will overcome it. As I stated before, I am an extraordinary, beautiful, intelligent, confused mess and I realized if it wasn’t so, I wouldn’t be me and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have it any other way.
& CHECK .. there you have it, in the midst of all things confusing, ya girl has begun to get her life.
I must be dragged through mud before I see my flower bloom.
I got this 👌🏾
So I’m starting this little thing, lol. I don’t know what to call it yet. But in light of all the negativity that has been surrounding us lately, I think it’s important to constantly surround ourselves with positive words, thoughts and people.
I was having a rough day, a few days ago. I had to gather myself and in doing so I told myself “I must be dragged through mud before I see my flower bloom.” I don’t know why those words came to me the way that they did. But they did. It came, formulated in my heart and mind at the perfect time. Then I realized, I got this. I am an amazing and powerful, authentically beautiful female. There will be more hardships to come but through those strenuous times, I will prevail. ❤
A few months before my 21st birthday I think I had an epiphany. I kind of fell … into myself. Let me explain.
I have always felt like the odd one out. Externally, I was happy and just like everyone else. Internally, I knew I was different. I pretended to enjoy the same things that everyone else did. I pretended that my beliefs were the same as theirs. I pretended that I cared about the same things. I knew I didn’t but externally it made me fit right in. So much so, that in high school it became me … or rather I became it. I became the girl that cared about drama. I became the girl that was hard on the exterior. I became the girl that didn’t take any shit. I became the beauty queen that everyone desired to be. The alpha female. Externally.
Internally, I was fighting. With myself. With what others would think of me. You see, when I was living in Boston .. although I pretended and I kind of fit, I never felt comfortable. It never felt like home. But when I moved back to New York, my pretending got me accepted. The boy I liked, liked me back. I mean he worshiped the ground I walked on. I made friends instantly .. and we clicked just the same. My home life wasn’t the best (I resented my family a lot because they continued their life in New York while I had to start over in another state … but that’s another story lol) but I was healthy and happy .. externally.
Internally, I still felt different. Awkward. Always trying to find the right thing to say. Although everyone thought I had it all figured out. So I went along with it. Up until the last day of high school. Good riddens, except for a few close friends I left high school and my pretend games behind. Or so I thought.
When I got to college, I was ecstatic. I felt like a new chapter had begun. Until one piece of high school followed me to college. She didn’t know me all too well, but we had the same group of friends .. and she felt safe, so we clung to each other. I could tell that she was playing a pretend game too, although we never spoke about it. Together along with some other friends we met, we became the cool freshmans. But we, us two stood out. For different reasons, and this story isn’t about her sooooo yea lol. I stood out for those same reason as I did in high school. I became one of the popular girls. In my group, I was considered the outspoken one, the one that people went to, the one that everyone wanted but couldn’t get, the one that couldn’t be figured out but had the answers, the plans. I was once again an alpha female.
I won’t lie. While in college, I did enjoy my pretend game. I felt on top of the world. And I had my group of best friends that I could turn to. To release the real me … at a bare minimum. Until a bare minimum with 5 or 6 girls wasn’t enough. I got tired of being sheltered. Sheltering myself and who I really was. I began to hate myself again. The fight and anger brewing inside of my yet again. External vs internal. Who I want to be vs Who I am. Ah.
The transition from sophomore year to junior year was the hardest and most fulfilling. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you why. Lol.
Sophomore year, I lost a good friend (yes, it was the girl from the previous paragraph). See, her game of pretending ended .. quite abruptly. Then she transferred schools. But, like I said this story isn’t about her lol. After losing her, I began to reevaluate things that were important to me. Over time, my views on things began to change. And I voiced them. I no longer stated what people wanted to hear. I stated what was from my heart .. as cheesy as that sounds. Buttttttttttt, something was still, I don’t know .. blocking me? Maybe it was me blocking me because I was so used to hiding the bitter parts of myself.
Well anyways, I continue to struggle internally and I think externally it began to show. I distanced myself from my loved ones, buried my head in books and work and went on a small hiatus. Then things went left. On my haitus, I fell off. I didn’t care about anything and fell into a spell of depression. And I mean things really did go LEFT. Everything that could go wrong .. was going wrong. Love life – wrong. Friendships – wrong. Work – I got fired so yea wrong. School – WRONG.
This is going to sound so cheesy and cliche and every word that is synonymous with cliche … but then I had a terrible hair mishap. Bare with me readers, lol. This hair mishap resulted in me having to cut my hair (something that I wanted to do for a while but was too afraid to do). Let. Me. Tell. You. I had never felt so free. The day I cut my hair was the day I got fired. I had cried on the way to my moms friends apartment but when I got there I was at ease. I guess I knew a change was coming lol. I told everyone that I got fired and they gasped. I remember giggling and although I felt terrible, saying “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason”. He told me to prepare myself and I sat in this little chair while he gathered his equipment. I vividly remember the buzzing sound as he turned the clippers on. I was scared as hell! And as he took this razor to my head, I began to shed so many fucking tears it was unbelievable. I just cried. It felt so good. Like years and years of fake, bullshit, sucky moments were being washed away. Oh my goodness. I remember when he was done, I let out this huge sigh, I wiped my eyes and he gave me a mirror. I was afraid to look, but everyone in the house was cheering me on and making me feel so pretty and awesome lol. I looked in the mirror, smiled and cried all over again because I truly did feel free in that very moment
That exact moment was when I think I had the epiphany.
The next week at school, listen honey… I slayed. It was the last week of junior year but I still felt on top of the world. I carried that same attitude through summer vacation and back again into my senior year. Oh man, senior year (once again, that’s another story lol).
The beginning of senior year was met with so much positive vibes and good energy. The start of my spiritual journey had begun. I said what I wanted. Dressed the way I wanted. Felt the way I wanted and without apologizes.
This time around, I was still outspoken but in the most genuine and authentic way. Like, I am cheesing as I write this. That is how amazing it felt. I was still a reliable source for people, I was still dependable, tactful, charming and beautiful and people saw that. I was still an alpha female, but in a more positive and luminescent way. As a matter of fact more people gravitated towards me and the energy that I gave off. Was I still guarded? Of course. It was just the beginning. But opening up myself to receive the energy of other amazing and positive people was something I had never felt before and it was invigorating. I was satisfied externally and internally for the first time in what felt like forever.
I remember a friend of mine, Brian pulled me aside and he said to me “I see a change in you from the girl you were when I first met you and the woman you are now. I love it. Keep getting better. I see you, Sky”. I wonder if he remembers that. Lol. That comment was one of the best compliments I had ever received in my life .. even to this day. It just let me know that all along, I could have been myself .. and been happy being myself and the right people would have gravitated towards me from the beginning.
But everything happens for a reason.
I know that.
As a matter of fact, I am grateful it didn’t happen from the beginning because I wouldn’t have learned to love myself the way I do now. I wouldn’t have grown. Every hardship that I have overcome has helped shape me into a better person.
Making this this blog, has been about continuing to open myself up, in hopes to inspire at least one person. Or to help at least one person. Or to let at least one person know that they are not alone … and it is okay to be weird lol. With that being said, I hope that you guys enjoyed this post – a little more intimate side of me and who I am. Like the title says, this was just the beginning so stay tuned for part two. ❤
I’ll be honest, my mind is too scrambled to write a decent and thorough post. And for the sake of black mental health, I won’t share the video of Alton Sterling … but I had to spread more awareness and what better way then voicing this on my blog.
It hurts. Literally this shit fucking hurts. We have added another name to the roster. His name was Alton Sterling from Louisiana who was shot multiple times, point blank range for selling CD’s. All I can think is ‘when will this stop’. When will they stop killing us! This man leaves behind a wife and children. And while I won’t share the horrific video of his death, I will share this video so that you all may see what impact this has had on his eldest son.
The time for a revolution is now! We are strong and powerful beyond measure. And what I love is that a majority of this generation are woke AF and know exactly what needs to be done. We are bigger than this. We will make it through this pain. But we have to be willing to fight and fight hard.
I’ll end this post will some status updates/pictures (via facebook) from myself and others:
This post is for:
Alton Sterling 💚
Tamir Rice 💜
Sandra Bland 💚💜
Eric Garner 💜
Trayvon Martin 💚
Sean Bell 💜
Oscar Grant 💚
Mike Brown 💜
John Crawford 💜
Tanisha Anderson 💚
Akai Gurley 💜
Rumain Brisbon 💚
Walter Scott 💜
Freddie Gray 💚
& the countless other brothers and sisters we have lost.
With that being said, today I stand in solidarity. With my black brothers and sisters who know what it’s like to wake up everyday and be angry because we have to fight 10 times as hard to get half the respect & reach half the success. I stand with my darker skinned brothers and sisters that feel that anger 10 times over. I stand with my lighter skinned folk who get denied a right to their blackness. I stand with my Latinos who acknowledge that their roots are just as (if not more) embedded in Africa as they are in Spain & Arawaks and understand that this affects them too. For my Afro Latinos and other non-white Latinos who are often forgotten about by both their cultures who have to fight just as hard as my black brothers and sisters. I stand with my Muslim brothers and sisters because while I am not demonized for my religion, I understand being demonized based on something that you cannot control & on a daily basis. I also stand with all Middle Easterns that aren’t even Muslim but are continually blamed for the doings of a group that does not represent them nor Muslims. I stand with non white immigrants who were misinformed about this country and came here seeking a better life only to be persecuted, humiliated & demonized for trying to better themselves. I stand in solidarity with all indigenous and Native people because you are too often left out of this conversation. Smh, I stand in solidarity with black sisters because we are continuously the forefront of a movement that sometimes doesn’t defend/protect us and its draining and hard. I stand with my sisters of color because we have to raise our men to do so much and be so much and whilst doing so we battle so damn much -prison, drugs, gangs and death. I stand with black men because many of you don’t receive the credit you deserve. You are strong, resilient and ever so powerful. I stand with my people of color because it is time that we reclaim what is ours.
Get educated. Educated others. Our time is now!
It’s always fun to have a day (every once in a while) where nothing matters. You just enjoy the day for what is, take in the scenery, breathe and let go … and if you can do a little shopping!
This past Saturday, I visited Tanger Outlets/Foxwood Casinos in Connecticut and picked up a few different items (boyyyy, was I loving the sales!)
Btw| I won $40 at the Casino. I felt like a superstar! Lmao
Here are the things that I purchased:
There’s something sexy yet sophisticated about Button Up’s. These H&M Button Up’s cost $12.99 which drew me right in (usually, I see Button Up’s going for $20 and up) and lately, I’ve been trying to revamp my style. It’s not news that my style is very bohemian inspired but lately I’ve become drawn to the minimalist/chic look which reminds me of sultry yet ‘grown woman’ vibes.
I then saw these jeans and listen …. I loveeeeeee a good sale! I had been looking for a nice pair of black ripped jeans (and white ones) so when I saw these (and that price) I had to get it. As for the second pair of jeans, you really can’t go wrong with jeans that cost 10 bucks so I picked those up as well. When you’re a bit of a curvy girl, it’s hard to find jeans that compliment both your hips and waist but I find that H&M very rarely lets me down in that department.
Note: These jeans are a size 10 but my size varies with the style and cut of each pair of jeans. These two jeans had AMAZING stretch so size 10 was perfect and gave me some breathing room too.
I stopped by Bath & Body Works (who is having an amazing sale by the way!) and picked up a few fragrances, two candles and a some lotion. Let me tell you, those Pineapple Mango candles smell soooooo good!
Note| If you are interested in candles, fragrances, shower gels etc … the sale is 75% off. These items were originally 13 dollars and up and I ended up getting them for about 3-4 dollars.
I am lacking in the summer department so I decided to pick up a pair of shorts. American Eagle is another place that does me justice in the jeans department … however their prices aren’t always ‘broke blogger’ friendly. So, I was really happy that these shorts were 40% off, high waisted and with great stretch!
There’s nothing really to this shirt. I bought it because I thought it was cute lol.
Before leaving the outlet, we stopped in Charlotte Russe. I loved their clothing items and their prices but the quality of clothing wasn’t doing it for me so I opted out of purchasing anything in that department lol. However, along with that minimalist/chic look that I been loving lately, statement neck pieces are slowly but surely becoming my thing. Like I said the prices in CR are great so I snagged these for 5 dollars each.
Last, but certainly not least I picked a few things at my local TJ Maxx, yesterday. I have been redecorating my room and the sign “Choose Your Own Adventure” really stuck out to me so I had to purchase that. I’ve been printing out all of my pictures recently so I snagged a vintage picture frame as well. To finish off my purchase, I picked up 2 Indian made porcelain dishes.
I have a few more purchases to make to kick start my summer and the redecoration of my room but I think this was a good start. I hope you all enjoyed this mini haul ❤
There’s this thing women do … specifically black women. I hate it.
We live in a world where the black woman is constantly mistreated. We are unheard. Abused. Considered the low of the low. And when we speak out about the injustices that we face, we are deemed angry, aggressive, unruly and (my favorite) ghetto/ratchet .. when really we are just indignant and tired.
That’s why I hate it.
I HATE when women – women of color, my sisters talk down to and judge other sisters. It does something to me. Pisses me off on a whole other level.
I was tempted to talk about this at this particular moment for two reasons:
- Sometime last week, a young idiot on twitter decided to post this picture along with a caption that read “Ladies, line up in order from Chill to Petty”. To which he received many wonderful RT’s that included things like ” Line up in order from independent to child supportive” and “Line up in order from highest to lowest GPA” among others.
All I could think at that moment was ‘wow’. A black man sending out that tweet. I mean, it’s sad to say but sometimes it doesn’t seem that the black man is on our side. Then I had to change my point of view and I narrowed it down to age and ignorance because well he is young and clearly has much growing up to do.
So what does that have to do with us, black women?
Well, I took to FB and I was insanely close to calling out (some) black men for their lack of respect and for demeaning black woman for the exact thing that they praise white women for … until I saw a dark skinned woman repost the picture. Instead of firing rage at the young man that posted this disgusting picture and calling black woman to stand together, her comment was something along the lines of “All light skinned women think they’re better when really they are just submissive and uneducated because they don’t need to be. They get a pass because of their skin color and they don’t know the ‘real’ struggle of being a black woman”.
I was truly amazed. I was even more amazed as I saw the comments under the post.
I mean, dark skinned woman, light skinned, brown skinned, yellow, purple and blue … all these woman were angry with each other and I was insanely confused and entirely appalled.
- After seeing that post, I remembered a conversation I had with someone (let’s call her Erica). Erica, my younger brother and myself were having a conversation about my brothers ‘relationships’. My younger brother stated that he would never date a dark skinned woman, to which I looked at him and his dark skin, thought about his mother and her dark skin and asked if he was stupid before asking him why not. He stated that he just didn’t want anyone dark. As I tried to explain to his young, ignorant, 16 year old mind how ridiculous he sounded spewing self hate, Erica stated that she defended my brother. She continued on to say that her son could never bring someone that is “too dark” home and I had to look at her like she was insane.
The hate that we black woman share for one another is disgusting. (SOME) Light skin women denying their blackness and feeling as though they are better than others. (SOME) Dark skin women hating light skin women who are on their side and denying them the right to their blackness. And it’s more than just the fight between skin tones. Sometimes, I’ll see black women nit picking at anything that her sister does. “Natural vs Perms”, “Casual Dressing vs Mini Skirts”, “Hoes vs Wife Material”. I mean it’s repulsive. To hear my sisters, black women constantly belittle and judge each other. Especially when we have so much working against us.
It’s clear that I am a ‘high yellow’ light skin chick. I get that. I also get that because of colorism in our culture sometimes I am ‘favored’ more than my darker skin sisters. But, I try to change that. For this present, and the future. I try to empower all woman of color because at the end of the day my fight is your fight and your fight is mine. We all have different experiences being a black woman but that doesn’t mean anyone’s story is inferior to anyone elses. How can we expect to overcome the Donald Trumps in the world if we keep holding ourselves back. There’s this constant battle between who is better than who and all I keep wondering is why the hell can’t we all be great. Praise our strengths and where we come from, acknowledge our faults and learn from them while banding together to become stronger than any of our persecutors ever imagined.
We are bigger than the fight that was created for us. We are bigger than this systematic oppression they have laid in front of our faces. It was said over 300 years ago that the way to keep the black race down was to create a division within. That is was colorism is. Pinning us against one another. And in a time where we have white women preaching feminism that doesn’t account for us, in a time where non black women want to be black and steal our culture without knowing our struggles and giving us credit, in a time where a white mans only use for a black woman is to sexualize and fetishize us, in a time where many black men don’t appreciate us, I challenge you to uplift your sister and not help in holding her back.
We all have to do better. ❤
So, what I’m trying to say is … who gonna have our backs if we don’t have it?
For the past few months I have been really keen on switching over to buying from my black sisters and brothers. Here, I have compiled a short list of 12 black businesses that I have (or plan) to buy from/support in the upcoming weeks. Check it out ! ❤
For Head Gear
- Visit The Wrap Life .
Out of Brooklyn, NY, Nnenna Stella offers a variety of beautiful hand printed African inspired head wraps among other things.
2. Visit Loc Soc
This business offers a wrap that is for fashion and protective styling. Two in one! Made with locs in mind, it has now been adapted to wear with any style, length or texture of hair.
3. Visit Kashmir.VIII
Kashmir Thompson’s giant selection offers everything from clutches, t-shirts to even coasters.
4. Visit The Very Black Project
Created in 2014, this website features hats and sweatshirts (among other things) and was made so that we could un-apologetically love our blackness. Lol, how could you not want to support that?
5. Visit Tees In The Trap
This website features phone cases, coffee mugs, totes and of course t-shirts. All of these items are accented with popular terms and catch phrases from the hip-hop community, black culture and just everyday life.
6. Visit Mo’s Bows
A 14 year old from Memphis is the CEO of Mo’s Bows hand made bow ties. He realized his love for fashion and at the age of 9 started his own company. I think we should all take the time out to re-evaluate our lives because this kid is amazing, lol!
7. Visit Gloss Rags
This website features the names of our brothers and sisters that have been victims of police brutality, unfair justice system and unjustified killings on t-shirts. It’s a beautiful way to pay homage to those who are no longer with us.
8. Visit Camille Rose Naturals
To all my brothers and sisters that are interested in using all natural products, this is for you! Developed in 2010 by Janell Stephens, Camille Rose Naturals is dedicated to providing hair care as well as beauty care products that are natural and hand made.
9. Visit The Lip Bar
This website features a variety of beautiful lipsticks. Besides the amazing price, I love that they use natural ingredients such as jojoba oil and shea butter in their products.
10. Visit Ka’oir Cosmetics
CEO Keyshia Ka’oir offers a make up line that has the most radiant and beautiful lipsticks. Her website also features lashes, and nail products.
11. Visit Cards For All People
Reminiscent of the popular game ‘Cards Against Humanity’, Cards For All People challenges your knowledge about black culture.
12. Visit Cielo’s Hippie Shop
Now what kind of person would I be if I didn’t feature myself in this list of black businesses to shop from, lol! I am very much inspired by bohemian culture and incorporate a variety of healing stones in my designs.
With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this short list of black businesses to buy from. ❤